Welcome...

Welcome...

Saturday, June 21, 2014

xkcd

"Rocket Packs"
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Tao of Sully

Tao of Sully
Revisiting "On Depression (July 2013)"

Almost One Year Ago, I wrote perhaps my most candid Blog to date.  

It was about Depression: my lifelong struggle with it and how I've come to cope with it.
A year later and I need to report that I feel emotionally the healthiest I've ever been in this life, so far.
I see my shrink once a month and I still take my Med everyday.  I tell her everything and if I can help it, will not skip a dosage.  I made up a maxim for the experience of the Modern American Couch Trip, "You Can Lie to Yourself, but You Really Shouldn't Lie to Your Shrink".
I've had two major breakthroughs:
1.  I grew up with Asthma as a child & younger adult.  I've been treating other people and stressful stimuli as an allergen.  To use a metaphor, Dust, Cats & Down Feathers get me really sick with Asthma.  I've been treating Stress the same way.  All this time.  Because it's the only way I knew how to cope with the "emotional allergy".  That I've been treating my stress, anxiety & depression like my Asthma, as an emergent, life-threatening event.  
2.  I am an Intense Person.  And that people interpret that as Hostility.  That was humbling.

I came to a tipping point about 18 months ago in the Stress & Anxiety department.  Since then...I've been better, overall.  I meet my challenges, daily.  I'm about 98% less "flappable" today than where I was when I started.  Oh, I still have my moments, sure!  That's being human.  But I feel...Taller.
I feel Taller.  It's a funny way to phrase the feeling but it's kinda hard to describe.  I'm still the same person.  I'm still capable of all the old anxiety & stress.  I'm still ready to lash out anything I feel needs a smiting.  Yet...being on top of my reactions (98% of the time ^_~) makes me feel "taller".
That means like holding myself higher, in terms of posture & potential.

And I still have times of Black Moods.  Yet, as Elton John kindly spoke, "I Guess That's Why They Call Them the Blues".
It's even harder to phrase this sentiment into something that does not sound Negative.
What happened to me with the 1-2 punch of great Talk Therapy and being on the right Medication...
I've lost that dwelling, ruminating, stomach-churning, day-ruining sense of Worry.
That's Huge!  Because that was Me.  My life, my suffering. Daily.  Worry, worry, worry...over-thinking everything.  Usually bad stuff, too.  Like an old LP vinyl record, skipping and you can't get up to pick up the needle (or even rest a nickel on the head)
YET...the flipside of this album called "Worry"...was Hope.
I don't Hope for things anymore.  And that is not Negative.
Listen: Hope & Worry are just two sides of the same Album.
Both are rooted in using Imagination to wish or predict some Imagined Result.  I've lost my attachment to the Imagined Result (as is pretty much suggested in the Bhagavad Gita).  It was unintended.  And to be clear, I still got plenty of Worry and I still have plenty of Hope, I simply don't engage it.  They really do both pop up all the time yet, I let go of that and embrace the Now.  This Now.  This Moment, free of anxiety because the only result is the Immediate Choice at Hand.  Moment to Moment.  Now to Now.  No more dwelling on Then.  No more painting the unknown Coming in either positive or negative hues.
This is what the Mystics simply call "Bliss"
A Neutral state.  The Middle Path of Buddha, one could say.

My Emotional State is now really inline with my Spiritual Freedom.  My behavior, especially where it mattered most At Work, is the best it's ever been, especially in the frame of those pesky emotional allergens I called my Co-Workers & Bosses.
And I've never felt so Good, not joyous but "Blissful".

I don't think there is a cure for this besides Death (and I believe in reincarnation so to me, suicide is a one-way ticket BACK to this friggin' place).  But there is a way out of the cycle of Birth & Rebirth.
And for the first time in all my lives, I think I could be nearing my state of Moksha & Nirvana.
Thank you.

Kriya Shakti,
Rev Sully

Eric O'Sullivan
Boston, MA USA

PS I once again wish to give a nod to both geek/author Jenny Lawson (@TheBloggess) and actor/geek Wil Wheaton (@wilw) for their frank & candid stories about their own struggles.  You guys really hit home with me.  What you talk about, resonated with me.  And gave me the courage to get checked out.  I'm forever grateful to my therapist for lighting the way yet I am to you two for helping find the door.  Peace.

Saturday, June 14, 2014

xkcd

"Turbine"
xkcd

TeeVee Guide!

MIDNIGHT MOVIES PRESENTS... 12AM, 
YELLOW SUBMARINE REDUX, extra footage such as the fabled Lost Poppy Field Scene, the French Rubber Plantation and the "Oh No, Yoko" Alternate Ending, put back in the movie, at their correct places. 

TeeVee Guide!

SATURDAY NIGHT REMAKE OF THE WEAK, 8PM. 
JAWS by Quentin Tarantino, Rated ARRGH. 
Bruce, a misunderstood loner goes out for a midnight snack. Tragedy ensues. 


Much Ado About Nothing Long, Long Ago

Hey, Harrison Ford broke his 71-Year Old ankle as Han Solo was hopping out of the Millenium Falcon, during the filming of the next Star Wars movie.

That is All.  

The Smoking PUCK

Hey, big congratulation to the LA Kings for not only winning the Stanley Cup but beating the NY Rangers while doing it.
Cheers and see you Next Season!
Thanks.