Tuesday, December 31, 2013
The sooner I go to bed, the sooner I wake up in a New Year but iDigress...
The Year wasn't a Total Wash. I saved the Best for Last.
I really did. In a year where nothing went my way...for 2 Glorious Days, Everything Did.
It was my 2nd Annual NYC "Weekend Getaway!"
Yours Truly, Rev Sully, along with the power of his best friends, combined to form a most awesome of days off in the holiday season.
Peter, OCHO's very own Doctor Hooey, his wife Eliza and their 4 year old daughter Lyra hosted me for another time in the Big Apple.
Eliza is from Manhattan, grew up there. Her dad & mum live there, other family too. They are real Manhattanites, which is a little different than the stereotypical Borough Neighborhood Archetype.
So I got to do this last year as well as documented here on OCHO.
Such a lovely thing to do...Walk Around Manhattan.
This Year, I landed the Day After Christmas.
I slummed in the Upper West Side again.
I wandered around the City all afternoon.
Nordoff-Robbins, the music-centric international children's charity.
Check this out...the Globe at Columbus Circle/Trump International...from directly under.
this is New Zealand
This one is for Kiwi.
This was just the first day!
My second day was just was perfect yet for different reasons.
I spent all day window shopping in NYC checking out the Holiday displays with the best company a man could ask for. And ate at Gordon Ramsay's London Bar. Boo-yah.
Also we went on an Adventure! For dessert we trekked across the Upper East Side for the Sweet Shop, E73 & 1st Ave to taste what was billed as the best Ice Cream Ever!!! Odd Fellows of Brooklyn. OMFG, no lie this is the Next Level. Extra Virgin Olive Oil ice Cream!!! Sorry Ben, Sorry Jerry...I'm just too Odd for You. ;)
On the Bus, Homeward Bound.
So Namaste & Good Luck! Take a trip! Get out and see something...
And share it too.
My whirlwind weekend was wizard only because of the company I keep.
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
2013 has been a Bad Year and I'm glad to see it go. Hey '13, don't let the door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya! ;P But iDigress... Nothing too much to say that hasn't already been said.
Yet I'm treating myself to a whirlwind "weekend" in NYC so maybe I'll find something to write about while I'm there ;)
It hasn't totally been a Bad Year...The Bruins went to the Stanley Cup, the Red Sox won the World Series.
Then I think of things of External from the Marathon Bombing, to the Internal a Year of Personal Inertia.
All in All, 2014 rounds the bend bidden or not.
I'm looking forward, without Hope or Despair. When I conquered a level of Personal Despair this Year, I found that my sense of Hope vanished too. And not in a Negative Way. Not quite positive yet very Neutral. It's as the Mystics said would happen. I still possess both in a way yet I neither Accept nor Reject them...Simply Respect Them. They exist! And they are part of the World but it is as if Hope was the Obverse of Despair and I just figured that out. It was the sense of "Moksha", of Spiritual Freedom when I came to this conclusion. Yet I think I befuddled a few friends with this sentiment so I wanted the soapbox in which to say "sorry if I alarmed you" =)
I've never felt better...I've never felt worse. I've never been this healthy, and I've been a lot sadder, hungrier & desperate in this life which I am not in this Now...so I am grateful for my jobs, my skill set, my family, my friends & loved ones. Thank you all. And may your Holiday be filled with exactly those & that.
This XMas I'm hanging with my Parents, Mom & Hoppy. We're doing it Low Key: Movie & Chinese Food. Here's Your Hat, What's Your Hurry? Then I'll be in NYC by lunchtime tomorrow for a few days.
I do love simply walking around Manhattan this time of Year.
So have a Happy Holiday! What are you cooking? What's your favorite present, given & accepted?
Got a favorite Holiday song?
Are you wearing an Ugly XMas Sweater??? If you are, you might be having a good time =)
Saturday, December 07, 2013
This Year: the NHL has Multiple Outdoor Games!
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Saturday, November 02, 2013
"early to bed, early to rise, make a man healthy, wealthy & wise"
@DelDrum oh jeez...not tonight. I got my ass kicked at work and I wanna be asleep by then. ping me later but I'm not feeling it: sorry #jerk
— Eric O'Sullivan (@revsully) October 27, 2013
Red Sox 1, Tsarnaevs 0 #BostonStrong
— Eric O'Sullivan (@revsully) October 31, 2013
Saturday, October 19, 2013
I am lots of things...
and plenty of things I've never been...
Yet yoking all this together is: I am a Man.
A Good Man
An Awful Man
Yet...a Man, all the same.
And This Man is of all things a Spiritual Man!
With an ever-evolving, holistic way of looking Life, Happiness & what can be qualified as the Spirit or Soul.
Sometimes in life, disciplines must be taken in order to get perspective, gain knowledge and to make room for Something New.
This Very Blog, the Tao of Sully is my genuine recapitulation of this spiritual experience.
For the Sake of Context know that on 31 March 1998, I became an ordained minister, over the nascent IntrePoop Online & hours before April Fools Day giving my act a simple esoteric sacredness yet iDigress...
I am an autodidactic learner so I voraciously read and learned about World Religious Cultures, differences and mostly their uniting factors. Along the Way, I fell in love with an Hindu deity named Krishna and he's been driving my chariot ever since...I am his Co-Pilot! =)
Yet for me...after learning this, I know soundly that this is only a Metaphor for something No One Can Really Explain or Own.
All that matters is Good Wisdom and making you better for other people.
That All Religions are their own cloistered Metaphor to be an adjunct to something Beyond Defining.
In order to gain this Gnosis, I had to first make a sacrifice. For the time & devotion needed to learn to Meditate and start down that Path...I needed to adopt a time of Brahmacharya.
I found myself in my mid-30s, once again Single after contributing to the demise of another failed relationship so needless to say...I wasn't in the mood for love.
So what I did at a Crossroads in Life was to take on a 2nd job and to also...
Choose Not To Date for an Unspecified Time. To get the Head & the Heart as little more squared...
Yet it then became a little different when I broke my hand one night.
Then quite by circumstance, I found a "guru" in Deepak Chopra. I started listening to his audiobooks and then started reading the Bhagavad Gita, especially the book I had "According to Gandhi".
I grew my hair out.
I decided to "Go To The Mountaintop" Within.
I stopped dating for Four Years.
I gave up Nookie...in the prime of my life.
Like Ted Williams fighting in WW2...What Could Have Been, eh?
I needed Time to go within. To not be distracted.
To learn to Meditate...that was very hard to do & even harder to perpetuate! =)
I learned lots about Spirit and Love and Forgiveness and Service and Wonderful Things that Truly Bring out the Best in Me.
Outrageous! Weird! I mean...Who Does That???
It was tough. And in a way, kinda selfish.
But it defined "sacrifice"...the loss of something to gain another.
What I gained was something more than a collection of Myth & Metaphor...
I gained Myself. A deep inner silence where I really sit, in-between my thoughts.
This had to do with a self-mastery, not a Devotion to a Tiki, Belief in a Brand of Wisdom or Fearing an Eschatological Consequence Stemming from Human Choice & Weakness.
Gaining the Wisdom of the Bhagavad Gita & my gurus, I'm a Better Man.
Especially now that I can be the Better Man for that Gal...Incha'Allah! HAHAHA!
Thanks for Reading.
Something like Brahmacharya isn't for everyone but it was for me.
It was a time to figure out "what made me tick" in a way and to gain deeper respect for the intimacy of a loving relationship.
In the Beginning of this voyage I felt like a truly Flawed Human Being
Now at this Stage, I'm just a Human Be-ing!
Namaste & Good Luck
Saturday, October 12, 2013
The Puck has dropped on the 2013-14 Season!
May the Gallery Gawds Bless You and Reign Down Upon Thee Love...not Lightning.
Early in the season and I'm blessed to have the afternoon to myself and the game on the TV at the Pub. An afternoon matinee. I'm hunkered down in the Corner awaiting Faceoff.
Wish You Were Here!
Early in the season, I'm catching onto a few of the '13-'14 NHL Rule Changes: a few Big Ones.
4. Goalies: Reduced Pad Size & Shallower Goalnets, creating inches more room between the Net & the Backboards on either side of the Rink
3. Head Shots, not just for Movie Actors. That's a bad joke about a bad subject that needs no jokes...concussions. Deeper adherence to existing yet recent rule changes.
2. Helmets & Uniforms. No more tucking in jerseys or exposing equipment...League says it's gotten way out of hand. And strap yourself down for this one: players will be assessed an extra two-minutes penalty for removing their helmets before fisticuffs. The rule is intended to protect the player's head if they hit the ice. Is the rule change a deterrent for breaking a hand on a helmet or slicing it open on a visor? You tell me...
1: Hybrid Icing. It has come to this...now the official can whistle dead a cleared rink-length puck if there is no real evident chase for it. Once again, to protect players from an unnecessary risk of injury...careening top speed into the corner, face first into the boards & corner most of the time.
So who makes your rules? Bend 'em, break 'em, follow 'em? Got a linesman & referee? Who blows your whistle?
All you gotta do is Keep Your Head Up and your Elbows Down, Stick on the ice and Your Feet moving...you should do alright if your do your best.
Namaste & Good Luck
Boston, MA USA
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Sunday, September 15, 2013
And Welcome to another Wonderful Season of NHL Hockey!
By the beginning of October, the PUCK will drop.
Until then, it's training season & Expectation.
But I'd like to talk about "Culture" for a moment.
Specifically, Team Culture.
I'm not going to make anything up yet simply shoot from the Point that's Under my Hat ;)
For Those Not In The Know: Bruins forward Tyler Seguin was traded to the Dallas Stars.
I followed Tyler Seguin on Twitter.
And most of the time it was during the Lockout. Seguin took great pics of Switzerland and reported great interactions with other NHLers, most importantly fellow Bruin Patrice Bergeron.
Then until he outright ceased his Twitter activity sometime in the mid season...following a litany of Tweets & Retweets that seemed right out of HBO's "Entourage". I could tell he was having a good time. Since the 2011 Cup Championship, he's got a tattoo sleeve & a reputation as a partier.
I learned a term about ladies.
Mull it over yourself.
In defense, I too once was an early 20-Something unleashed upon this great city with a pack of Legendary Friends! It was quite a Ride! Huzzah!!!
But...I didn't have Twitter back then either.
We had Table Rules. Things "said" at the Coffeetable stay at the Coffetable.
So weeks before the playoffs, all the Bruins players I seemed to follow hushed up a bit or so.
Or am I making that up?
As a Culture, the Bruins thrive on Youth, Discipline and the Ability to Overcome.
And the trading of Tyler Seguin was a Warning Shot to the rest of the Boston Locker room.
It was a sign.
For Dougie Hamilton.
Maybe even Malcolm Subban, all down the line.
The locker room & roster is filled with youthful talent, interspersed with the developed then-youth, now Veteran All-Stars from the past 7 Years...
and perhaps Johnny Boychuk as well.
Culture of the Team.
I made a joke. Seguin wasn't banged up enough with little to show for at the end of the Cup Finals.
Don'tcha think this all Funny?
So in the end, I ultimately respect the talent swap...
Yet I will oddly enough miss Tyler Seguin, in Boston, on the ice and on Twitter. He sent great pics when he cared too.
Nonetheless, he painted himself into a corner in Beantown Faire. And was basically judged by his bosses as bad for the team.
I think he'll grow up to be a fine player. He's still young yet.
Hey, Jaromir Jagr winning the Cup as a rookie with the Penguins turned him into a lothario too!
And as I said...I was a young man, walking tall down these city streets with a pack of friends, looking for the next great time.
Good Luck, Tyler Seguin.
Watch out for those Texas Girls! Something else I can say with verity but iDigress...
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
A column by a comics writer living in NYC, then & probably now: Gail Simone.
Gail's got DC Chops. I should be reading more of her stuff such as BIRDS OF PREY and the current BATGIRL but iDigress...
Namaste & Good Luck
YOU'LL ALL BE SORRY
Thu, September 13th, 2001 at 12:00am PDT
Comic Books, Gail Simone, Guest Contributor
In The Midst Of The Horror...
Something wonderful happened.
I found out that I'm not as cynical and pessimistic as I had thought. Here's why:
The passengers who chose to attack their hijackers, likely saving thousands of lives.
The policemen who haven't slept in two days.
The firefighters who pleaded from their hospital beds to be allowed to go back to the scene to help.
The endless line of people in New York volunteering to do something. Anything.
The people around the world donating money and blood, even from countries in desperate need.
The health care personnel who walked to the scene unasked, to help.
The emergency service workers who rushed back to the scene despite the danger of buildings around them in danger of collapse.
The non-Muslims who refused to give in to bigotry and racism.
The websites that started donation drives that are collecting millions, a dollar at a time.
The Red Cross, never more deserving, never more tested.
The journalists who occasionally worked through tears to keep us informed.
The grief counselors who took the savagely difficult task of being with the loved ones of the victims when it was most needed.
The massive support of the governments of the world. If there was a sign of hope for the future, this is it.
Those common people in virtually every country in the world, who left flowers and prayed and lit candles and sent letters to the US in memory of people they'd never known.
The huge group of people cheering for not only the policemen, firefighters and EMTs at the scene, but for the Con Ed workers and those who handled the debris.
The politicians who suddenly rose above our expectations to do the right thing tirelessly and selflessly.
Those people who opened their homes to the stranded.
The National Guard, who know that they'll be called when things are at their worst.
The men and women in the towers and the Pentagon who aided those around them who had fallen, to get them to safety, at great personal risk.
The NATO leaders, who said we do not stand alone.
Voices in every language saying, "I'll give blood. I'll give money. I'll give support. I'll give food. I'll give a place to stay. I'll give my time. I'll give. I'll give. I'll give."
There can never be a full accounting, from quiet heroism that will never make the news, to those who sacrificed their lives after forty years of public service. I find myself with a new understanding of what it means to be an American, and what standards that means I should live up to. I find myself proud, not ashamed, to be a citizen of the world.
The list of victims is long. The list of those who want to help in any way they can has more than a billion names on it.
The people who committed this atrocity thought that they were striking at the heart of America.
Saturday, August 31, 2013
it was 1969.
It was on sale! $80 off! Under $200. Great quality. Handsome, smart looking thing.
And it too smells like the interior of a new car.
I told my gay flatmate that I'm like the reverse-universe Carrie Bradshaw and I get all giddy & broke over my version of the Manolo Blanuk ;)
I'm flipping my wardrobe at 40.
I'm doing it. I'm spoiling myself.
Because I need it and I'm worth it!
Namaste & Good Luck.
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Friday, August 23, 2013
I hate SportsCenter.
It's not that I just don't watch it.
I kinda dislike it. ESPN as a TV channel is what Bill Hicks calls "Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye"
SportsCenter to me defines what Zappa refers to as "the phony thing on Sports" but iDigress...
Yet I am an insane Hockey Fan.
The Bruins are my team.
It is late August and all there is to report is there is a countdown to Training Camp.
Therefore there is nothing to talk about Hockey-wise.
All the Free Agents of Note have been Signed.
September is coming like a heavy breathing porn star. Fear not...Hockey season is so afoot it's time to break in the new skates if you dig with this shovel, brudda ;)
I'd rather wax on Summer movies than the waning daze of the season.
I'm going to see KICK-ASS 2 tomorrow with Posty.
So I'm getting my "violence quota" in without the Great Game of Hockey.
Yet it's Funny.
If you wanna talk about something...
I hate Violence. But I love Hockey.
Yet as Movies Go...I disliked Stallone's Ode to Action Movies in his Meta-Masterpeice THE EXPENDABLES because its violence did not justify Story. Capital "S" Story as in McKee.
Yet KICK-ASS (2010 film) did!
One of the conceits of "Noir", which is simultaneously a Genre & a Mood, is its ability to make a non-human element, a background element into a "character". Most moody Noir pieces are known for their lighting...yet the backdrop, the City or the Environment becomes a palpable character all awhile making no choices as real human characters do...
"Violence as a Character"...not just some Earth-Prime NYC with their 1st Generation of Costumed Superheroes but Violence & Consequences. The theme is "consequences of violence" in Kick-Ass as a story, whether in print or in Cinema. The parallel stories are both really fun & revolting at the same time.
I guess that makes Kick-Ass...Art.
Is Sport Art? I dunno.
Does it qualify as Art? Perhaps Not.
Yet are Truth & Beauty portrayed in a Hockey Game?
You're Gawddamn Right.
Looking forward to Hockey Season. Go Bruins! =)
Boston, MA USA
Monday, August 05, 2013
- The five high school seniors behind me in the two-hour line to get in; each the primary cast of AMC's "The Walking Dead", Rick, Lori, T-Dog, Glenn & Maggie. They all came to see Laurie Holden, the actress who plays "Andrea" on the show. And there were plenty of "Zombies" too. Particularly two Zombies wearing neck chains being led by an African-American lady with a Samurai Sword...so cool.
- I saw 3 different Khaleesis from HBO's "Game of Thrones", a show I worship. I bent a knee, bowed my head and said breathlessly, "Khaleesi??" and they all nodded & smiled. One had three paper mache dragons on her forearms & shoulder. Great personal Geek moments.
- Also pointing at people & honestly saying, "you look GREAT!" were my favorite parts of the afternoon.
- A few Jean Grey as Phoenix, two very good movie Wolverines. A bevy of gals dressed up as movie Loki (and come to think about it Loki in the movies is very androgynous). One really killer Nightcrawler. Several couples came as movie Hawkeye & Black Widow. Some Sue Storms. A cute Kitty Pryde in her Shadowcat garb, including a Lockheed perched on shoulder.
- A girl dressed up as The Comedian from WATCHMEN along with her Ozymandius. I asked her if she was "The Comedienne"? and she laughed YES! So nice.
- Lots of Classic Star Trek! Simple Gold, Blue & Red tunics with gals with go-go boots & hairdoos.
- Bunches of Doctors Who. Either they were David Tennant, Matt Smith or Harry Potter ;) Every "Doctor" I made eye contact with, I'd say cheerily & brightly a greeting, "Doctor." with a head nod & usually got "Captain." in response (to everyone too, the Chaplain angle was not initially noticed but on pointing it out...sigh)
- And the best things...I have now seen everything: A Man in a simple white gown, braided buns on a wig...Guy Princess Leia!!!
- Lots of Jokers, lots of Harley Quinns too!
- This is just the tip of the iceberg. And not including the Tee Shirt People. I'm going on some homemade effort on the part of some fellow geeks.
- And I'll say this: wearing a Captain Hammer tee shirt does not make you Captain Hammer: That One Was for You, Posty. ;)
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Hey there! And Welcome to the Smoking PUCK!
My Boston-based Ongoing Ode to the Greatest Sport on the Planet.
My joke is this...On the 8th Day, God Created Canadians Because God Wanted Hockey.
There is nothing to talk about in July about Hockey really.
There are lame names for the Divisions...big whoop.
There are Free Agents still out there.
There is talk of Expansion!!!
What I'd like to say is I hope you're having a good summer.
And I hope all the NHL Players are as well.
Healing up, getting in shape, resting with their loved ones, for some settling into new places, for others, living life & hopefully getting ready for another season, in'Challah ;)
So have a good summer. The Smoking PUCK will see you in late August.
Yet being in the Stanley Cup Finals, being a Bruins fan once again I am amazed how "short" this Summer already feels, like back in 2011 when we won. I betcha the players would say the same thing.
So Namaste & Good Luck.
And hope to see you at the Gahhden come autumn.
Monday, July 22, 2013
Image above: The "SuperOm", a stylized Om within the iconic Superman diamond with a variation on the classic color combo. I drew it...then I put it on a Cafe Press tee-shirt but iDigress...
What do I do here? I blog. Along with the help of my friends who occasionally chime in.
Why? I'm into writing, sharing stories & experiences and also want to turn you on to something cool or delicious whether it be Music, Fiction, Hockey, Spirituality or a well-made dinner.
This is the magazine on the coffeetable of my Life. The Coffeetable was where my friends & I would gather, share stories, good meals & company. Time & Geography have split a lot of that corp up yet we hold it together with the glue of our love & interest in all things cool & fun.
Come check out the Archive of Articles:
- The Smoking PUCK! My Boston-based Hockey column.
- Get In My Belly: Impress a loved one with something yummy.
- The Tao of Sully: my journey walking a road of a Spiritual life
- 101 Things That Should Not Exist!: The ever-growing list of...well you read it!
- The Comics Gnome POOTS! I am trying to get you to read a Funnybook.
And much much more!
Enjoy and go write your own blog if you got something to say. Let me know if you do.
Boston, MA USA
@revsully on Twitter
Saturday, July 06, 2013
Fare thee well, boys. Ahhh...so sad to see any of you go but 'tis the nature of the beast we call "Free Agency" and Playing the Game...
See Ya, Andrew Ferrence. To his hometown Edmonton, to play for the Oilers. Free Agent.
Goodbye, Nathan Horton. Who can blame you? You gave your all for the Black & Gold and ended up Black & Blue. Seeking a quieter life than Boston can offer, the injury-prone star signed with the Columbus Blue Jackets a 7-year deal as a UFA.
Dasvidaniya, Anton Khudobin. Did I even spell your name correctly? You were here for 5 minutes. I'm sure the next pine rider appreciates you leaving. Signed as free agent with the Carolina Hurricanes.
Sbohem, Jaromir Jagr...late season rental paid off huge. Yet he doesn't want to come back to Boston. He's an Unsigned Unrestricted Free Agent and will ply his trade elsewhere for as long as he can. Kinda like a Kwai-Cheng Caine wanderer. Skating from town to town, helping where he can with his "Kung Fu" but iDigress...
Furthermore, Peace Out, Rich Peverley. Stalwart forward packaged in with the...
Shocking But Acceptable...finally Adieu, Sweet Prince. Tyler Seguin. Traded to the Dallas Stars amid allegations of not being bruised up enough with not enough points by the end of the Finals...and being a rich, handsome, young 20-something with a Twitter breadcrumb trail that reads like a script from an episode of "Entourage". Maybe a trade will mellow him out into the Fine Hockey Player he was supposed to be.
On the In Side, the Bruins get RW Loui Eriksson from Dallas, the meat of the Seguin/Pevs deal.
Oh...and the Bruins netted a big splash forward. Jarome Iginla. Who chose the Penguins over the Bruins at the trade deadline this past 2013 season. Interesting...and a committment to winning as well.
I ain't worried.
I spent the day housecleaning. Like the Bruins. Purging, Taking Care of Business, Culling Dustbunnies. Cleaning the bookshelves. Pulling out the closet.
So like the Bruins, I made room for new things with a little straightening out. Getting ready for the next season, eh?
I'm once again taken by the similarities between hockey & real life.
Thursday, July 04, 2013
To celebrate the 4th of July, I wish to share my BBQ Sauce recipe & technique with you.
My Uncle Vinny Olivera loves it and so does the rest of my friends & family.
I broke this down into pictures and hints.
This BBQ sauce is fresh, delicious & easy to make if you have a few modern tools around.
I got a stick blender. That's about it.
In this pic I also got a few of the BBQ sauce's essential ingredients: Ketchup, Molasses & Apple Cider Vinegar.
Above in the uncovered pan on a VERY Low heat for a long time is the reserved onion, little oil, low heat and letting the moisture evaporate, not condensate. The difference turns the sugars in the onion to Caramelize therefore giving it the distinct brown color & deep, sweet flavour.
a few drops of Tabasco
a few decent shakes of Worcestershire
and a scant 2-3 capsfull of Apple Cider Vinegar.
The secret to this all is Tasting! Keep a clean spoon handy and keep tasting your sauce! Only you know just exactly how you LOVE your BBQ Sauce. This is the part when you fine tune it. Too sweet, use a little salt. Too salty, use a little white sugar. Too bland, try another capful of Apple Cider Vinegar until it gets that proper "pop". Another shake of Worcestershire.
If it's too spicy though, the only remedy I really know of is to make a new, smaller batch of non-spicy sauce, then add the too-spicy sauce a little at a time until you get that Scoville Number you desire.
We are now ready to remove from the heat, bring to the sink and blend with our stick blender.
Happy 4th of July! Independence & Freedom from MSG, High Fructose Corn Syrup and a twist-top bottle of Uncle Someone's. Try Rev Sully's BBQ Sauce and one day it just might be your own brand that you'll "wow" your loved ones with.
Make it yourself! Huzzah!
Get in My Belly
July 4, 2013
July 4, 2013
I do wish to be Free.
Hindus call it Moksha. A Spiritual liberation. Moksha promised freedom from re-birth. A way out of reincarnation.
Yet sometime I think I'm the reincarnation of Edgar Allen Poe. And All I want to do is dash my head against the wall until it all stops. But that didn't quite work out for him as an escape clause...I think he ended up as Me ;) And if I chose the same or any demise then you'd go right back into the Shuffle. Another Life to Make or Take. To get it right.
So here we are in the 21st Century. Things for an Human have never been so good.
And we're still not happy enough.
Daily, since I was a child I've thought of killing myself. To make it stop. This world, the suffering, the shame, the guilt, the dread, the worry. My stress & anxiety turn me into a different person, an awful person. I needed to do something about this. Not only for me but for the people around me at work who get the worst of my bad side. I had seen so much bad behaviour & violence in my childhood and have always had problems communicating discomforts with words. It was time to do something about it.
So earlier this year, in a state of complete anxiety & panic, I got help from my Doctor. She referred me to a Psychologist who therein turned me to a Psychopharmacologist. So getting my blood pressure & cholesterol in a gameplan, and having someone to talk to about the root of my reactions and also now as a 40-year old man for the first time in his life, having to take an anti-depressant.
Celexa: For Major Depression. Major? Sheeesh. I think they're right.
Some of it is figuring out "what depression is"? Is it not getting your way? No.
Is it Rage Turned Inward? Could Be.
Is it the precious salty waters of the brain in discord, therefore making life a little harder than most. Uh-huh, sure.
I know I am loved. I got family & great friends. So that's not that problem. I know I have the respect of people. There's so much Positive to appreciate! Then why the mope? Depression is more than Not Getting Your Way...but iDigress ;)
This is my conclusion: Depression is an aggregate. It's the Focus of the Now. It is a Moment that Slows Personal Space/Time down to agony & self-torture. The World May or May Not Be Torturing Us...that's not the Point. The Point is in our reaction to this World and Why we let it get to Us the Way it does...
Why? Why do I worry so much? Why?
Depression is an aggregate. It's like a tall Jenga and it's just as stable too.
It's a lot of "little things" which to me (or your own) are not little things yet they're memories & moments, at crucial times in our lives as we're developing. I saw abuse all my childhood, nothing but yelling, fighting & hitting. I know some Moron With a Gun can walk up to anyone this day & age and kill you...saw that when I was 15. And to tell you the God's Honest Truth, I've always been an oversensitive & weird kid. I'm an Odd Duck, what can I say? But for the most part I like Me. Then there are times I don't like myself very much and I think that's got a lot to do with Depression. So I've been dealing with this all my life: this stress, this anxiety, this worry...
I've spent years now reading the Bhagavad Gita. Does that make me special? No. I only found something that lightens my burden in life. But Spirituality wasn't enough. Although I gave myself the Choice to not get into Bad Situations, I still had the reaction to stressors that transcended personal permission. Such as, I can say to myself, "Sully, I do not give you permission to stress out at work so darn much" and it wouldn't work.
I needed help. I literally surrendered myself to my Doctors for my Stress & Anxiety.
After being on Celexa 4 months now and I have to admit, it's made a difference.
And I am grateful beyond words that I feel I have a "partial control" over this. In one way I've conquered my anxiety & stress to a degree. Yet my anger & reaction to everyday things remain the same. I still get very sad sometimes. And I still think of killing myself everyday yet I laugh that off...I do believe in reincarnation! And I do believe this Life I'm figuring It out. It looks scarier to read & say aloud than it's actual intent. I respect this moment and let it go, fly away like a Black Balloon. I still have Black Moods when all I can think of is myself & how miserable this now is, of mistakes I've made, of things I've said, of relationships I'm having bad impacts on, of loneliness, of purposelessness...and I bid them pass. It's easier. Moments are clumps instead of stretches if that makes sense.
Yet being on an anti-depressant ain't like smoking a joint, it's a rather humiliating experience between side-effects & stigma. The first few months were kinda a give & take of Great and Awful. Great being that within weeks, I was reacting less & less in a stressful manner. That I stopped freaking out, that I stopped getting anxiety over little things all within my wheelhouse at work. The Awful: Side Effects, a 20-minute wave of nausea about 4 hours after I take it. It's the medicine itself resting on the stomach lining & a receptor is causing that nausea until the lining has absorbed the last of the Citalopram. Runny bottom, along with the coffee I normally drink in the morning, the new combo of Celexa & Espresso made for a clockwork run to the restroom every morning (and I'm grateful it was usually before we opened). Profuse Sweating: I work in a hot kitchen and my forehead turned my nose into a faucet. Unexpected great side effect are vivid dreaming. Wow. I remember a lot of them. They're good and they're very vivid.
I'm happy to report that most of the negative side effects have worn off 4 months in. I still get upset stomach for about 5 minutes then mutter, "it must be 8:30..."
It has been a little bit like a roller coaster at times though. The anti-depressant isn't like a magic cloak of invulnerability. Maybe it allows more time to choose a different reaction. Some of my reactions to stressful challenges has been downright awful, childish & moody! Mostly in realms of what can be perceived as personal effrontery. Sheesh, one of my beloved co-workers I interpreted made me look bad in front of the pretty waitress...and I kinda got my Irish up. Exhibited awful behaviour so I don't think I have to worry about the pretty gal anymore ;) sheeesh...I thought this crap was supposed to make me less moody? That came down to feeling really moody at the wrong moments on the Roller Coaster. More Jenga Blocks...no more!
But overall, I feel that ride off too. Maybe this is The Great Equalization Moment" I've been hearing about & waiting for?
Life does boil down to "Shit Happens". I guess it's OK to be Depressed about Yourself. What's not OK is letting it ruin your life and the lives of those around us, especially our bosses, workmates & clients. We have to Live in this World. It's not the world's fault that We Are How We Are...it's only our fault if We Don't Do Something About It. That if I'm Superman, then Depression is Lex Luthor...sometimes I get beat up and covered with Kryptonite but there's always a way out & have hope! Quite a Never-Ending Battle!
Thank you =)
Independence Day!!! Can this be my Day too?
Boston, MA USA
PS I'd like to personally thank Wil Wheaton @wilw on Twitter and Jenny Lawson @theBloggess for their candid sharing of their own rollercoasters with Depression. Thanks, guys...reading you gave me the bravery to get checked & do something. I am very grateful, please keep sharing & may your dark moments turn to light :) #namaste&goodluck
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
I had some help. I thought of an idea....a mash-up.
Of Monty Python & The Holy Grail and Game of Thrones.
So enjoy if you're a fan of both. And maybe use the #hashtag and make your own joke.
Anna DeGraff: you cant expect to wield supreme exec power just because some fiery tart birthed a shadow demon for you #MontyPythonAndGoT— Eric O'Sullivan (@revsully) June 20, 2013
"Under the Sea, Under the Sea, the Knights eat you & don't eat me. I know, I know! Ho Ho Ho!!!" -Patchface to Minstrels #MontyPythonAndGoT— Eric O'Sullivan (@revsully) June 20, 2013
Stannis Baratheon finds another source of King's Blood for the Fire; his recently discovered bastard Patsy the manservant #MontyPythonAndToG— Eric O'Sullivan (@revsully) June 21, 2013
It is later found out the Mocking French Knights in the Castle were really Ironborn...the Silly Outcast Ironborn that is #MontyPythonAndToG— Eric O'Sullivan (@revsully) June 21, 2013