Welcome...

Welcome...

Monday, December 29, 2003

Wednesday, December 24, 2003

Merry Christmas, OCHO.

And also a very Merry Christmas to all my friends here.
Leah, James, Matt, Paulie...even those "dearly departed" Ocho-ites Dr. Hooey, Hot Dog, Dringo Dringo. Tee hee! Just kidding...hopefully we can twist their arm and get them back in the fold. Hope you liked the Santa Betty card. ^_~

Please say a brief prayer (or do what I'm doing and lift a drink like the Irish do) to mine and Peter's good friend Karen Black who lost her grandfather this morning. I wish Karen and her family the best holiday in light of their loss.

OCHO is taking a "Holiday Break". Harvard University where I work gives all their employees the timebetween Dec. 24-Jan. 5 off. OCHO will return January 5, 2004. I might be able to check OCHO here and there but I don't have Internet Access at home.

If you're free for NYE, gimme a ring...I got plans that are fun!

Still thinking impure thoughts of rolling donuts,
Rev. Sully
Merry Christmas everyone.

Tuesday, December 23, 2003

Happy Holidays to one and all back home. While you guys wallow in inches of snow and cold days - I'm going to the beach to go camping.

Speaking of Captian Jesus and his relationship to Santa... it all makes ironic sense when you see Santa in shorts on the beach and start watching all those Christmas movies in 25 degree weather (sorry we do things in Celcius down here).

Merry Fucking Christmas to one and all ---- I'm missing you this holiday season, and will be thinking of you all while I'm working on Christmas Day and Boxing Day serving fools like my psuedo-European brother.

Love and Reindeer Cheer (look out for the anters!)

-K1W1

all though it sounds bitter I meant the above with complete sencerity :0P
Talking Hockey: The Good News Special Edition Before the Holidays



Dany Heatly, All-Star for the Atlanta Thrashers who nearly got himself killed (but severely injured) and who did kill his best friend and teammate Dan Snyder in a car-wreck in the off-season took to the ice for the first time since his life-altering injury.
WTG: Dany! Let's hope you can get back on the ice and honor your friend by being a better and wiser player.
Yeah... that would be Clark alright.

Check this out:
http://southparkstudios.com/games/create.html
I have taken a little break from the hockey and comics on OCHO.
OCHO is on Holiday Break.
I will be returning Jan. 5, 2004, Monday. Until then...you're on your own!!!

BTW: Fuck the Rangers. Bruins lose last night 4-2 in NY Fuckin' C.
Matt...I thought of you for some reason with this. And Clark too! ^_~

HOW TO GIVE YOUR CAT A PILL

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a
baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of the cat's mouth
and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As
cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left
arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm while holding rear
paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth
with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.
Retrieve spouse from outside.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees. Hold front and
rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head
firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down
ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make
note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just
visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth
open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans. Drink one beer
to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood
from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another
beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door on neck to leave head showing.
Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic
band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.
Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot of scotch and drink. Apply
cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot.
Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw
shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve cat from across the road. Apologize to
neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill
from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little &#^%#&+&%'s front legs to rear legs with garden twine
and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy-duty pruning gloves
from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak. Be rough
about it. Hold cat's head vertically and pour two pints of water down
throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency
room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes
pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new
table.

15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet
shop to see if they have any hamsters.


HOW TO GIVE YOUR DOG A PILL

1. Wrap pill in bacon.

2. Toss it in the air.
Does Santa Claus work for Jesus?

Monday, December 22, 2003

stupid egocentric christians...

just ask capt. jesus to explain what the hell the 12 days of christmas means. i love listening to christians try to explain that one. don't get me wrong, i celebrate christmas (i'm an atheist); it's by far the most lucrative holiday...ho, ho, ho.
Thanks Sully.

I'm frustrated right now by my inability as a founding member and moderator of thedecostop.com to engage one of our members in a debate about the secularization of Christmas. We usually insist members stick to diving related topics on the site, but created a temporary forum for expressions of holiday cheer.

Along comes Captain Jesus (not his screen name) nay-saying one member's wishes of happy Kwaanza, Festivus, etc. He doesn't approve, and mentioned refraining from starting a discussion about the secularization of Christmas. I have to set a good example over there to keep entropy at bay, but I had a good mind to write a short dissertation on the Christianization of Yule, the myth of Jesus' December birthday, Papal shenanegans, etc.

Oh well.
Jill's cool. He can keep her. ^_~
Cool Matt, you two are already thinkin ahead as far as 2005......sounds like things might be getting a little serious!~!

Saturday, December 20, 2003

Yeah, another one... and I've already started talking with Jill about saving up for a trip to Palau. Probably in 2005 or so.

Friday, December 19, 2003

WoW, another vacation for Matt!~! Sounds like it could be fun.....well all but the tequila!~! Be safe and have fun!~!
Yep, chalk up another HORRIBLE effort from Hackett.......ROBERT!~!~! :::weeps in hands:::

Thursday, December 18, 2003

Wow...that sounds bloody horrible. ^_~
>So Matt, Honduras eh??? When and for how long???

Just one day of diving in Roatan.

On the 31st, I fly to Austin Texas, meet up with three friends there, and party on 6th street.
On the 2nd, we do a gear check, hit the local dive shop for last minute necessities, and drive to Houston.
On the 3rd, we depart Houston on Norweigan Cruise Lines' 'Norweigan Sea'
On the 5th, we arrive in Cancun, do 2 dives from a boat we chartered, then shop and drink tequilla until we depart that night.
On the 6th, we arrive in Belize, do 2 dives from a cruise-sponsored boat, then shop and drink tequilla until we depart that night.
On the 7th, we arrive in Roatan, Honduras, do 2 dives from a cruise-sponsored boat, then shop and drink tequilla until we depart that night.
On the 8th, we arrive in Cozumel, do 2 dives from a boat we chartered, then shop and drink tequilla until we depart that night.
On the 10th, we arrive back in Houston and drive to Austin.
On the 11th, we rinse and dry our gear, then take a long nap.
On the 13th, I fly home.

Wednesday, December 17, 2003

http://www.peterfernandez.net/music.html

This is NOT shameless self-promotion. It's not even about me. But I'll get it out of the way right now that you can find "Nero & Pedro" songs here but it's not about N&P.


The brilliance of Peter Fernandez as a singer/songwriter is all documented here. Come bask in the warm fuzziness of his high production quality from Studio Ocho...aka his bedroom.

Sway...this is a charming song. He calls it a "sultry Perez Prado mambo" performed by Los Encendidos.
A Way That's Me. He gets the DeGraff's to sing this one which they do up nicely...I tell Aaron he sounds pretty good for a white guy. ^_~ But the lyrics blow me away mostly. It's a great song from tit to toe.
Shake Your Ass has this Squirrel Nut Zippers feel to it like "Hell". Right off yer back!!! Your ass shakes like Michael J. Fox nekkid in the snow...you can't help it.
Shit-Tastic...wickid pissah!!! Great tune. ENERGY! KI!!!

These are all recently done for his yearly X-Mas Cookies CDs.

I cannot mention these songs without putting all props to Dan "Dringo Dringo" Ring, Dave Disimone, Keith "Hot Dog" Messier, Mike Watson who are the Enablers and Los Encendidos.

Now if you go down the list a bit you will find nuggets of my friends music that I've enjoyed for years. Personal favorites include his "Dabble" years. She's Weird, Goin' To Gibraltar and Toolbox...especially Toolbox are some of my favorites of Peter's "Lost" years when he was gulaged to deepest Suburbia where they have no Mass Transit. ^_^ Tee hee.
You're Wrong...very funny especially for those with siblings.

A little further down some of my all-time Peter Fernandez faves:
Tongue-Tied
Waiting Man and
Matress Fire

Go check these out. Hours of free music...FREE!!! And it's good...except for Nero & Pedro...that's just great.

Some songs take just a little while to open so have some patience. ^_~
Happy New Comics Day.

The Comics review I meant to put out today was eaten by Dr. Hooey. The whole thing. Every last phrase, punctuation and indent. He was hungry...well it was either him or my dog ate it.

^_~

New stuff coming soon!!! I promise! Grant Morrison's finishing up his spectaular run on New X-Men that started with the "E is for Extinction" storyline propelling New X-Men into what was once the Uncanny X-Men's territory...the flagship X-Title. With the very lucrative and many different X-Titles to choose from, Morrison's New X-Men stands out as ACME. I got a big retrospective of the Morrison run coming soon after issue #150.

Look here for The Punisher "Welcome Back, Frank" TPB. What an amazing 12-issue run. Volume 3 of the Punisher, issues #1-12 collected in a fine trade paperback that is as fun, messed up and as kill-crazy as QT's "Kill Bill".
Talking Hockey with Rev. Sully! on anachronistic tee shirt night:

Things are getting ugly in the NHL. Last night ushered in…throwback jerseys.


The Kings New Clothes…better to have the Emperor’s. ^_~

The Bruins and Canadians in their 1-1 tie at the Bell Centre were sporting their throwbacks.



My problem with the Bruins throwbacks…names on the backs of the jerseys. If they’re really throwbacks to the late 60’s then the Bruins did not start putting names on their jerseys until 1975. C’mon…suspension of disbelief. But the funny part is that the Bruins throwbacks didn’t get on their backs until the 1st intermission. They changed shirts when they arrived. Kinda like D2: The Mighty Ducks (first sequel ^_~). Kinda…
The Bruins arrived with their white vintage jerseys for the game, in light of the NHL's decision to have teams wear their dark colors at home. But when the Canadiens came out in white jerseys, the Bruins were forced to wear their regular black jerseys for the first period. The vintage black jerseys, which arrived separately from the team, were delayed on their way to the rink…http://www.bostonbruins.com/feature.asp



Oilers holdout Mike Comrie traded to Philly.

The Flames beat the Flyers last night at the Walk Over Ya Center in Philly last night in OT.
The Canucks won ANOTHER overtime game.
The Bruins have become Betty Page in a Klaw Picture tying AGAIN.
I thought Overtime was s’posed to be a good thing???

.
So Matt, Honduras eh??? When and for how long??? Sorry Laura and I are so lame we missed yer party! We're just party poopers I guess but don't worry I'm thinkin of havin a New Years party here so you can miss that one and we'll be even...he he he!
Well that's two home losses for the Flyers in a row......Hmmm. I don't know if it was that the Flyers were a little flat or if Hackett SUCKS or if Calgary just played well??? Yea...that's it Hackett Sucks.....hurry back Robert, we all miss you! :::inserts pix of Hackett sucking:::

Tuesday, December 16, 2003

Talking Hockey with Rev. Sully and the growing queue of fired NHL Coaches:

Paul Maurice, coach of the Carolina Hurricanes was fired.

I was wrong. Dave Tippett of the Dallas Stars was not the next coach in the NHL to be fired.

Paul Maurice who was the longest tenured NHL coach (until yesterday) at 9 seasons will be replaced by former Mike Milbury Sock Puppet, Peter Laviolette. Maurice brought the otherwise known as the “Hapless and Forever .500” Hurricanes (nee New England/Hartford Whalers) to the Stanley Cup in 2002. That was 2 years ago, bunkies.

Yahoo News Link



As of now…still a Wing. CuJo starting for Team Geritol. Stoppped 21 of 22 shots winning against the Florida Panthers at home 4-1. Hasek got a groin pull and is on the IR. Legace is day-to-day.
Team Geritol’s Injured List reads better than the Columbus Blue Jackets Team Roster!


TONIGHT: Bruins/Canadians! Flames/Flyers! Dinner by Dane! Who could ask for anything more???

And I also read another thing on how the Magnetic North Pole moves all the time.


North Magnetic Pole could be leaving Canada.
Re: the reversal of the magnetic poles

If I remember my environmental science class correctly, that's thought to be a precursor event for an ice age.
Kiwi on Fray: Sully Thoughts

I love Karl Moline's pencils on this. He breathes life into Melaka Fray...her eyes are amazing but we can't forget the inker or colorists that breathe life into the pencils. Some panels are simply amazing.

Kids like Loo exist yeah. "Rocketmouth". ^_^ But I also see awful parralels with both Joyce Summers and Willow's Tara in regards to being victimized basically all season/book long and then...

I see great stuff here though especially with the dialog. Snappy as Whedon is known for.
"It looks as though we're at a standoff"...."ZZZZZZZZAAAAPP!!!".

But regarding references to Buffy...I'm glad it doesn't go there. That information was "lost" in the ages. I'm glad there are no characters appearing from the former series (like Spike, Angel or even Harmony or Dru still hanging around in Frey). It makes it accessible and its own story with just the underlying mythos of the Buffy-verse to make it "part" of.

But regarding a sequel...hmmm...I hear now that Fray was a limited 8-issue run. There might not be a continuation. HOPEFULLY...MAYBE...POSSIBILY...we could beg for more Fray from Dark Horse Comics.

It did start REALLY strong and kinda just petered out...no offense to Hooey mind you. ^_~ Tee hee!

Monday, December 15, 2003

Talking Hockey with Rev. Sully and a block of government cheese sitting in a pot on the radiator making Po’ Folk Fondue:

New Jersey takes the home-at-home series against The Flyers. One tie (3-3 Friday) and a 2-0 shutout Saturday and Philly being beat at home! But they really should be stepping it up against their division rivals and future playoff opponents. Coach Ken Hitchock did say the Flyers have issues in beating possible playoff contenders. Stay tuned for that.




The Bruins beat the Senators 3-2 Saturday night.


Hilights…a short-handed goal from Brian Rolston. Rollie has been on fire for a few years leading the league in shorthanded points and goals:

2002-03: Led the League in shorthanded points with 5-2=7 totals and was second in the League in shorthanded goals...

2001-02: Led the league in shorthanded goals with 9, tied for the league lead in shorthanded points with 9-1=10 totals and finished third overall in the NHL in shots with 331…Set a new club record with nine shorthanded goals on the season, breaking the previous mark of seven by four other players (Jerry Toppazzini, 1957-58; Ed Westfall, 1970-71; Derek Sanderson, 1971-72; Gregg Sheppard, 1974-75)
Source



It is good seeing Rolston dominate in his area. In this writer’s personal opinion, who does Mrs. Rolston have to blow in order for her husband to receive the Selke Award (best defensive forward) and I think he’s been snubbed and not even nominated for going on four years. Rolston plays the “point” on the Power Play. That means he’s the fourth forward out there playing where the second defenseman should be.

It’s good to see Ted Donato doing his best Dave Reid imitation. As long as Teddy D can keep that up, he can skate for us. Ted Donato is doing a great job in the role-player, Penalty Killer position. Penalty kill is actually exciting when Brian Rolston’s out there.


Muzz” Murray giving Pat Lalime the treatment for flopping on the job.


With Sandy McCarthy out of the lineup injured, the Gloves have been given to rangy winger Patrick Doull who put up his dukes the other night.


Joe Thornton game winning goal in the 3rd period. Oh Cap’n My Cap’n!!!


Did you know that Legendary NHL Center Adam Oates wears #77 out of respect for ex-teammate and friend Ray Bourque?


The Blackhawks tied up the Dallas Stars 1-1. GREAT!!! The Stars are the most over-rated team in the NHL…more overrated than the Ottawa Senators. The Stars boast talent and power and have a crappy record to show for it. The Hawks came out with the point to bring up their total to 23, 5 points worse than the Stars but I will say the Stars are the more pitiful team seeing the Hawks do not have the same firepower that Dallas sports. All signs point to the next high profile coach firing as Dave Tippett, coach of the Stars to be sacrificed for his players lack of enthusiasm.

The Bruins play old time rivals the Montreal Canadians tomorrow night on Rue de Rene Levesque. What a great place to hang out Montreal is.
The Flyers have the Flames tomorrow night at home where we will see since the home streak’s been broken if it’ll stay that way. Last time they met in October, the Fleagles won 5-4.
CNN News: Earth's magnetic Field Fading???


Open wide, asshole! ^_~

Sunday, December 14, 2003

Kiwi on Fray.

Kudos to the Rev for his kind contribution. I doubt this comic would have hit the stands for at least another 6 months down here.

Likewise I was not bowled over by this - but it was very cool to see Joss Whedon take a concept that he has well established and expand on it. Especially so far into the future. To make it more interesting he completely deleted the Buffy and Angel story lines and basically eliminated any reference to them. Just when you think there is a reference... a flying car comes crashing down. I REALLY liked the first 5 issues, and then it began to lack something. Perhaps Joss was trying to fit too much material into to little space. or perhaps the other way around.

Undoubtedly there will be a sequel. I doubt he would have left that relationship building so wide open without planning a sequel. I realy am looking forward to seeing some more of Molines work. The guys knows what to do with his pencil!

This could be the comic to buy for your neice this CHristmas to give her a bit of HAZZAH into what girls can do. After all isn't that what BUffy was all about. This is probably even more realistic however --- Fray has scars! and yes kids like Loo really do exist!

Friday, December 12, 2003

Gawd...what war's all about. I guess. At your own risk.
Talking Hockey with Rev. Sully and a dog named Boo:

At least it wasn’t a tie. It could have been...



The Crapitals win for their new coach. Spanking the Bruins 6-5 at the Crap Centre…MCI Center last night. It wasn’t Peter Bondra penalty shot that killed the B’s…it wasn’t the Empty netter putting the Bruins down 6-3 (and the Bruins getting 2 goals back in the last 1:02 of the third after the ENG)…it was a Capitals team that was hell bent on not losing.
Felix “the Cat” Potvin was pulled after three goals on three shots 6:37 in the game. The Bruins got 39 SOG last night…Olie the Goalie was EN FUEGO! Ay yi yi!!! No me gusta mi culo encendido!!!


Cats don’t like having their tails pulled.

Patrice Bergeron gets two assists last night putting him as top rookie with 18 points (6-12-18, 29 games played).

Patrice learning the ropes and getting in the corner.

There were two fights. There was scoring; 11 goals by 11 different players. There were shots fired. Last night was a good hockey game…it would have been better if the Bruins won but hey…the Leafs won last night putting them higher up in 1st place. Toronto has 5 points on the Bruins. Bruins go to Ottawa tomorrow night for another “four-point” game with the Senators three points behind the Bruins nipping at their heels.

The Blackhawks showed up CuJo and the Broken Wings in overtime last night breaking a 14-game winless streak. Perhaps they can keep that going tonight against the seemingly hapless Dallas Stars. Dallas is last place in the Western Conference’s Pacific Division (11-15-3-0, last 10 games 4-6-0-0).

USA Today’s Kevin Allen’s hockey article. Good stuff. All apologies…
“Hall of Fame selectors should apologize for not choosing Glenn Anderson. Just exactly how many important goals do you have score to get in?” Hey Paulie…what think of that one! ^_~

Just a thought…Vancouver’s Marcus Naslund is not only leading the League in Points so far this season but leads in NHL in Plus/Minus at Plus 21. I used to think Plus/Minus was a waste of statistic but I changed my mind. Plus/Minus is a great statistic of production/failure potential.

Thursday, December 11, 2003

Talking Hockey with Rev. Sully and the thousands of CGI extras to make me look cooler:



CuJo Watch 2004!

Curtis Joseph has only played the one conditioning stint game for the Grand Rapids Griffins in October. It’s a little misleading to say Joseph has been playing the AHL. I think he reported for duty and was on the team bus when recalled is more like it.
CuJo made 23 saves on 25 shots in a 7-2 drubbing of the Sabres in Buffalo. Lady Luck is nice to Puppies with Hasek and Legace both happening to get injured.
But will CuJo have to clear waivers again to be demoted back to Grand Rapids? I will have to answer my own question will diligent research and many minutes aimlessly clicking away…

I told you! Betty Page is an honorary Boston Bruin.

Fit to be tied.

TIED!!! Another bound-up non-win/non-loss for the Big Bad Bruins. 1-1 against the Florida Panthers. The Bruins have the Washington Crapitals under their new coach tonight. Maybe tonight we’ll finally get to see those throw-back jerseys we were supposed to get this season. Valeri Bure, better known as Valeri Bure-Cameron (married to Full House Candice Cameron, sister of Growing Pain’s Kirk Cameron…isn’t it nice to be a gangster’s little brother?) scored the only goal for the Panthers. Ted Donato on what may be his skate into the sunset on the team that made him an NHLer scored a short-handed goal last night and his first goal of the season.


Bure walks the Razor’s Edge…

The Flyers tied also 1-1 against the Columbus Blue Jackets. Yawn.
This weekend…Flyers versus Devils…home-at-home. Look for great hockey coming out of these Atlantic division rivals.


Look! An OCHO battle!!! ^_^

Did you know that there is a trading freeze in the NHL from December 19-27, 2003. The yearly holiday roster freeze! Rumormongers are sold on the idea of Jaromir Jagr to the Blueballs (NYR) as the Crapitals might want to cull their big-priced talent. I’d like to see him go somewhere a bit more productive. Perhaps Team Geritol for CuJo? Nah…how about the Mighty Ducks and let him make magic with Sergei Fedorov. The Ducks have a glut on goalies right now with Gerber and Giugere. But I hate Fantasy Hockey and I won’t play it here. ^_~


Calder Trophy Watch!
As mentioned on OCHO recently, Jason King of the Vancouver Canucks is considered the front-runner for Rookie of the Year honors for the 03-04 season by checking how the wind is blowing in the media. This question appeared on NHL dot com’s “Quick Poll”. “Quick Poll” has no relation to what any ex-lover says about yours truly. ^_~ Tee hee…but seriously…see where Patrice Bergeron is stacked against the competition in regards to popular opinion. And remember kids, opinions are like assholes…everybody’s got one and everyone thinks the other one stinks. At least Pat Bergeron is in 3rd place. Sheeeesh…
But there are 4 rookies tied for first with 16 points; Bergeron, King, Hunter and Ryder.

Which rookie forward will wind up with the most points at the end of the regular season?

68.39%
Jason King (VAN)

3.92%
Trent Hunter (NYI)

5.2%
Michael Ryder (MON)

0.82%
Brett McLean (CHI)

12.06%
Eric Staal (CAR)

5.23%
Patrice Bergeron (BOS)

4.37%
Other

Total Votes: 26913 as of 10:07AM, 12/11/03
NHL dot com
http://www.nhl.com/nhlonline/nhl
I've been in class all week learning the new software (and the AIX operating system), but was able to install it and get it to run yesterday. Basicly, HACMP is a way of setting up two or more computers so that if (for example) computer A catches fire or crashes, computer B can take over it's IP address, connect to the storage devices it was using, load whatever software it was running, and take over where it left off. Usually, there's only a couple of minutes of downtime, and it all "fails over" automatically. Not good for things like air-traffic control systems, but for an ATM transaction server or a commerce site like Amazon.com, it's a cheap and effective way of insuring against downtime related loss of service.

Wednesday, December 10, 2003

Talking Hockey Breaking News and Rev. Sully's got a Fistful of Duct Tape:



Bruce Cassidy, coach of the Washington Crapitals was dismissed today. Assistant coach Glen Hanlon will serve as Interim Coach.
Yahoo News Link.

The Crapitals are 8-18-1-1 and tied with Pittsburg for overall last place in not only the Eastern Conference but the NHL with 18 points each. Chicago and Columbus shared honors for Worst in the West with 20 points in the standings. Washington has played one more game than Pittsburgh so the Crapitals are the worst. The Crapitals first test under the New Regime will be against...the Boston Bruins. Olie the Goalie has 25 games played, is 7-17-3 with a 3.11 GAA. The GAA, Goals Against Average (to my female readers and Mario, that's akin to a baseball pitcher's ERA ^_~) is not that bad but he's got no defense and no offense. Olie deserves a better team. In my opinion it would take more than getting CuJo to solve the Capitals problems. They get the most feared words a fan can hear...it's a rebuilding year.

Mentioned on OCHO in the past few weeks, Iron Mike Keenan is without a gig right now. Could Washington be a fit for Iron Mike? Could he get an over-paid team who's All-Stars are all pampered Czechs (Jagr, Lang...Bondra is Russian ^_~). The Florida Panthers (who are 4th in the SE Division with 23 points, 9-14-4-1) split with Keenan on November 9, 2003...the first coach's head to roll in the 03-04 Season.
Talking Hockey with Rev. Sully and a lifetime supply of Turtle Wax:

Finally…the Toronto Make Believes can go back to being a crappy team with a has-been goalie. It’s about time too. The Leafs’ push was stopped by the St. Louis Blues last night breaking an eight-game win streak. The Bruins thank the Leafs for the mid-season excitement. But really…the Leafs have a good team right now. On paper, Ottawa is the best in the NE Division. Chris Pronger scored 30 second into OT to win the game. Unfortunately, Toronto still gets a point in the standings for the OT appearance.



CuJo was called up from the Grand Rapids Griffins due to an ailing Domenik Hasek and a pulled groin (I was shocked that he reported for duty). Backup goalie Manny Legace injured his knee in a warm-up. CuJo might get to play some NHL hockey. Would Curtis Joseph have to clear waivers again if sent back to Grand Rapids? The Wings have also called up their 4th string goalie Joey MacDonald if Legace is indeed injured. Team Geritol is injury-bitten right now. Recently signed forward (and 40 yr. Old) Steve Thomas will be out 4-6 weeks after finding floating cartilage after a slash to his knee. Chris Chelios, Steve Yzerman, Derian Hatcher, Darren McCarty are all on the Injured List to name a few besides the goalies.

Bruins got the Florida Panthers tonight. The Flyers have the Columbus Blue Jackets. Wall-to-wall hockey action. The Bruins tied the Panthers 1-1 last time they met on October 11, 2003. A tie…go figure. The Panthers have not won a game in at least five. The Bruins are 1-1-3-0 in the past five and are looking for a few asses to kick. The Bruins will then be on the road until next week.

Boston Globe Bruins beat writer Kevin Paul DuPont, who I hate for having my dream job ^_~ had some interesting things to say about Overtime in today’s NHL. Link. No points awarded for overtime? He makes an interesting proposal. I feel that ties are part of regular season hockey unfortunately. There should be some compensation for the tie at the end of regulation time. The Overtime Loss point allows that. The OTL is a newer thing in NHL standings. Behold DuPont make his pitch, “In short, ties added up to squat. What we can't quantify, however, is the overwhelming tonnage of lost entertainment in games that had coaches not really caring whether they won or tied, sometimes even afraid to win”.

Marcus Naslund of the Vancouver Canucks scored 4 goals last night. 3 goals are referred to as a “hat trick”. A work of magic that is. I’ve do not know if there is agreement on what the proper nomenclature for the 4 goal feat would be. My personal favorite is called the “Robin”. Because after 4 goals, you’re “robin” the goaltender blind.


Marcus Naslund: Robin a Penguin.

The Bruins have parted ways with Siberian winger Sergei Zinovjev. Zinovjev can return to the team if he wants when his Russian League team’s season ends. It had to do with being sent to the minors and not understanding the language well and how much am I making on the two-way contract when I’m demoted. Read the DuPont article.
At least he’ll be joining old Bruins friend Dmitri Kvararltonov. Sheeesh.

There will be rumblings over the Collective Bargaining Agreement this year. In 9 months the old one expires. If a new CBA is not reached then we get what we had in 94-95. The lockout in 1994-95 lasted 103 days and resulted in a 48-game schedule and the cancellation of the NHL All-Star Game. This happens to be the last time the New York Rangers (aka Blueballs) won Lord Stanley’s Cup. Kara Yorio of the Sporting News has a great write-up on the subject. All I could do would be to cannibalize her hard work which I can’t do to a lady. ^_~ But it is Modern Sports and the way it works.
Happy Wednesday! It's new comics day. The Comics Gnome will rearm the Coffee Table!
Joss Whedon’s Fray: TPB #1 (reprints issues #1-6)



Firstly, the name-dropping got my attention. And besides, I felt as though I hadn’t bought a Dark Horse comic in so bloody long I felt even sheepish going to the counter at the Picnic with it in my hands. Dark Horse…lemme tell you about Dark Horse. Dark Horse is cool. It’s credible. It has been there as a beacon of alternative press and for things you could not get with the Big Two for a long time. Don’t get me wrong. I like the Big Two. I really like the Big Two. But no one should just read the Big Two. They’re great…heck, I do rate them as Modern Mythology but c’mon? It’s like saying there are only Republicans and Democrats. But I extol the virtue of alternative presses. Of CHOICE. Why hadn’t I been going to Dark Horse since I got back into the Game? WHY? I apologize to the little Chess piece. I really do. They gave the world Sin City, Star Wars: Dark Empire, Grendel, Hellboy and Frank Miller’s Martha Washington.

Dark Horse Comics I remember had an adaptation of the Alien movie.

Aliens: Outbreak, Vol. 1

A continuation of the story shortly after James Cameron’s Aliens came out. It was simple black & white. It got color after a while. The Dark Horse licensed tales are these really good Alien stories and continuity but only if you discount the third and fourth movies. They hadn’t been made yet. There was one that showed an adult Newt but we all know that’s not the case, huh? I remember the black and white one was a bit brutal in places. I think it was the first run of the Alien books. I remember it starkly. Horribly. There was this one scene I’ll never forget. This guy wakes up strapped to an operating table. There is a mirror above his face. The mirror is tilted. In the mirror the man can see his feet. A man in a surgical gown and mask informs the man strapped to the gurney that under…I can’t remember the name of it…but under this “Blah-Blah” Act he’s been deemed a terrorist AND that means by any means necessary are they allowed to get information from him, means including torture. It had something to do I guess with knowledge of one of these H.R.Giger’s Alien type of alien. And the man in the surgical gown says something about although you’ve been anesthetized you can watch as we cut up your feet and move up to your ankles and from there…unless you talk. The story switches focus back to its principal players and a few pages later returns to the man strapped to the table with his face splattered in his own blood…singing…not really singing…talking. Spouting. Giving it up. Blabbing. Talking out of school. I mean this shit could only happen today in Guantanamo, right? Dark Horse printed stuff that the Big Two could not. I mean look at Sin City. Yikes.

The preceding diatribe has NOTHING to do with “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”.


At least Fray does. Fray is accessible. Fray is as Buffyverse as the WB’s Angel. So what is this title about? That’s right…vampires. Killing vampires or letting them kill you. What is a vampire symbolically anyway? An ex…what else is evil and doesn’t suck you the right way? A dead spouse come back to haunt you? The taxman? A glimpse of the cost of immortality? Anthropomorphic evil? I cannot say in all fairness that I believe that vampires exist. I don’t believe that aliens exist either but that’s for another day. So, I think symbolically vampires represent something. I dunno…maybe you can tell me what that is. Can you really say that vampires exist? Just because I can’t disprove it doesn’t mean they do. Can you prove God exists because one cannot disprove it? That’s where Faith kicks in. I have no faith that vampires exist. I’m just glad Faith wasn’t unfrozen in issue #6 or something stupid. Fray is its own story.

Joss Whedon in the Introduction to his own comic mentions the bust size of his heroine. One day long ago, I had a full head of hair and I was a not-so-little boy. I had have been about 10 or11 years old. It musta been a Saturday because I’m hanging with Dad. Maybe a Sunday after dinner at Grandma’s. Ah…Sunday dinner…I must be spacin’… So dad takes me to the comic store. I mean take the kid SOMEWHERE. We gotta do something. Either that or hanging in a fishbowl with him and his stoner friends. Let’s talk about acorns now. I digress… But I’m at the funny book store. I know I can squeeze no more than $3 worth of comics out of the old man. The Sheena of the Jungle caught my eye. I dunno why I wanted the comic. Mebbe it was the movie starring Donna’s mother, the ex-Angel. I didn’t know IT SHOWED BOOBIES!!! The Comic Book Guy…the bloody Clerk informed my father that this particular comic featured NUDITY! And that he should know that before buying that comic for me. And then…nothing…I mean it. My father couldn’t make a parental judgment to save his life. We had to find a payphone to call my mother so he could ask her if I could get the comic. I ended up getting a 3-D issue of the Flaming Carrot guest-starring Cerebus the Aardvark instead, the kind with the red & blue glasses. Cerberus always confused me at that. In the end the Flaming Carrot was not what I wanted. I wanted the Sheena of the Jungle.


But I could not because of BOOBIES. BREASTS. MAMALLIAN PROTUBERANCES. FUN BAGS. There were probably minimum two probably four panels showing gratuitous topless action. Well…in all fairness it probably would have turned into a stroke book. Joss talked about the size of his heroine’s breasts for a reason. It does matter. Why does it matter when I thought that yesterday’s lunch was today’s shit? The point is that big boobs are to comic books as apples are to American Pie. It’s important to keep the “why” in mind.

Dark Horse is doing a great job of keeping Buffy the Vampire Slayer alive.


Buffy had enough trouble staying alive in her own television series. Buffy is still available in serialized funny book form.
Also available from Dark Horse…
Angel.


“Tales of the Slayer” showing Slayers of the past.


“Tales of the Vampire” too.


Fray is the Slayer of the Future. Fray woke up one morning different. She woke up a superhero...the Chosen One. Perhaps a second volume will be produced soon enough. Fray was an eight-issue miniseries. Honestly, I wasn’t overwhelmed or bowled over but it was a well-told story by a master storyteller. It was well drawn. I call it a good ride. Fray isn’t Buffy and the future isn’t Sunnydale. But remember…there was a Hellmouth under Cleveland too.

It leads me to the eternal question…why doesn’t the Zeppo have his own mag, huh? ^_~

Cheers, kids.

Go buy a funny book today.
To OCHO:
From SULLY:
RE: Comics


Well...the only excuse I can give is that I'm lazy. Only one comics review today. If I can shit out another in the meantime so be it...^_~

Tuesday, December 09, 2003

one problem with the razor in the ottawa game; that, "Doh," in the first period where he was on his back flopping like a wounded turtle as verada was sliding the puck into an empty net...and if you want hotter than marilyn monroe, i'll take jessica alba any day of the week and twice on sunday.
Talking Hockey with Rev. Sully and Betty Page in an Irving Klaw Bondage Film:



Irving Klaw did bondage pictures of Betty Page. I think Betty Page is hotter than Marilyn Monroe. I think Betty Page is an Honorary Boston Bruins. It has nothing to do with the fact that she can take a spanking and still look good, no.

But the Bruins once again tied at home. I think Coach Mike Sullivan is in an Irving Klaw picture. But really...the Bruins have 6 ties this season, 5 of them at home. 4 Overtime Losses (OTL) with one of them at home. And 2 OT wins…which are wins. But 12 out of 27 games have gone into the extra session. Some food for thought.

Last night, the Bruins managed 23 shots on goal. I don’t like that lack of SOGGY numbers there. Ottawa got 30 SOG but 5 in the OT. Andrew “Razor” Raycroft made the difference between a standing point. The Bruins are still four points ahead of the surging Senators and three behind the Toronto Make Believes.


Razor-sharp.


Thanks for the helping hands.

The Flyers take out Les Habitantes 3-2. John LeClair with a Game Wining Goal against the team where he got his start. It was a cold day in 1995 that the Habs traded John LeClair and Eric Desjardins for Mark Recchi (who was traded back to the Flyers in 1999 for Danius Zubrus).

Grats on the new job there Matt!~! Now yer just another workin' class fool like the rest of us...he he he!~! Well the Flyers just keep steamrolling through their schedule and yet another game winner by John LeClair! What else would you expect!~! Next???
Details will be forthcoming, but the short answer is that I'll be doing software quality assurance engineering on Availant's High Availability Cluster Multiprocessing (HACMP) for AIX.

Monday, December 08, 2003

Congrats Preacher! I think he starts his new job today. Huzzah!!!
Boston Globe Magazine, December 7, 2003: Finding Fault for the Fat.

It's one of the most interesting sidebars in America. Our waist lines.

Who is to blame to the fattening of America? Is it Consumer Culture or its the Onus on Your own Anus to stay fit and healthy. As always...choice is a bitch, huh?

This item caught my attention:
"Giving up smoking was responsible for about a quarter of the increase in the number of overweight men over a decade and for a sixth of the increase in overweight women."

Also:
"The top-selling size for women jumped from size 8 to size 14 in less than 20 years."

The Vanity Sizing interests me too.
Women's clothing has also changed. In 1985, the top-selling women's size was 8, but by 2002 it was a voluminous 14, according to Marshal Cohen, chief industry analyst for the NPD Group, a retailing consultancy in Port Washington, New York. This is to say nothing of size inflation; a size 8 in 1985 was smaller than an 8 today. Cohen says this "vanity sizing" is now widespread.

Hockey so early in the Morning?





The shits...I mean shirts keep coming...Atlanta's 3rd Jersey. I wonder who designed this one; Ray Charles or Stevie Wonder. Perhaps it was collaborative.

CuJo Sweepstakes Update: Yahoo! New Link, Dec. 6, 2003. CuJo has cleared waivers and has been assigned to the Detroit Red Wings AHL affiliate, the Grand Rapids Griffins. Demoted to the Minors is no little thing for a one-way player. Clearing waivers means that no team was interested in picking him up out right and assuming the rest of the hefty contract. Nothing on Team Geritol's home page, Grand Rapid Griffins page or NHL dot com as yet to see if he's accepted demotion. In his position he could refuse and sit out. I hope he does. As I said, a conditioning stint is one things but outright demotion for CuJo? It ain't right. But it also boils down to...who needs him? We've already said who could use him. There is an Ocho shortlist...and I just added Chicago to it.

Saturday Night. Fit to be tied. 1-1 Bruins/Flyers. I saw the Recchi goal...thing of beauty. Raycroft had no clue that the Recchi Ball could be that quick. Hilight of the night...McCarthy versus Brashear. Not the best fight (and followed up by Hal Gill versus Keith Primeau. But hooray for the Bruins getting 39 SHOTS ON GOAL!!! The Bruins were almost even in the faceoff department against a team stacked with quality centers.

Bruins got the Senators tonight in the Vault. Philly has the Montreal Canadians. Toronto is now 4 points up on the Bruins and only 4 points separate Boston from 3rd place Ottawa. A "four-point" game tonight in the NE Division. Philly's in Montreal where they have a good chance of losing...not being on Holy Ground aka the Walk Over You Center in PA. After tonight, the Bruins head to the road where they started their good run at the beginning of the season for 4 games and return home next Thursday the 18th.

Bruins rookie sensation Patrice Bergeron is tied with Vancouver's Jason King for the rookie socring lead. Both with 26 games under their belts, King is 11-5-16 with Bergeron at 6-10-16. Michael Ryder of the Montrael Canadians is up there with 26 gamed played at 6-9-15; one point behind Bergeron and King. Let's not forget Bruins goalie Andrew Raycroft in the Calder Award hunt with 15 games played and a record of 8-4-2 and a 1.98 GAA. In second in rookie goaltending is Marc-Andre Fleury of the Penguins who has 16 games played and a record of 4-9-2 with a 3.15 GAA. When I lick my finger and point it into the wind, I got the feeling that King is the odds on favorite for Rookie of the Year but the Bruins have a great run at that honor with alumni like Ray Bourque and Sergei Samsonov. Keep your eye on the Calder, the Bruins so far have two real candidates.

Congrats to Brett Hull who moved past Marcel Dionne to assume 3rd on the all time NHL goal scoring list. Just head of him are Gordie Howe and Wayne Gretzky. At 731 goals, Hull might have to play until he's 50 to catch up to Howe's 801.

The Blackhawks are on 14-game winless streak. Terrible for ex-Bruins coach and pride of Viking, Alberta Brian Sutter. Perhaps the CuJo sweepstakes will go to Chi-Town. Hawks Goalie Jocelyn Thibault is out for 10-12 weeks with right hip surgery.

SNOW SNOW SNOW!!!

Friday, December 05, 2003

Thanks Lace, a girl on TOP.

http://www.ipodsdirtysecret.com/

Our Message:

In September of 2003 the battery in my first generation ipod would hold a charge for no longer than one hour. I brought the iPod into the Apple store in Manhattan for repair and was told they do not currently offer a battery replacement program and my best option was to buy a new ipod. I then called the Apple Care 800 number regarding this issue and was told the same. I then sent my ipod to the Apple Executive office addressed to Steve Jobs with a note explaining my situation and requesting a replacement battery. The Apple Executive office contacted me via telephone to explain that Apple does not repair or replace dead ipod batteries and that it was policy of the company to recommend to the customer to purchase a new ipod when the battery fails. I then looked into and purchased a third party replacement battery, this battery was not endorsed by Apple. After the complicated installation my ipod did not work at all, even when it was plugged in. I then purchased a new ipod for $400.00.

In response to this my brother Van and I made the short film "iPod's Dirty Secret" After we finished production of the film, but not necessarily in response to it, Apple began offerring a battery replacement program for the ipod for a fee of $99 and an extended warranty for the ipod for $59.

We think Apple's new policy is fair. Our movie is a documentation of our experience.

-Casey Neistat
The Flyers are at home tonight and the problem is getting into Boston!~!

Maybe they can sled here. ^_^
No you got me loud and clea - I haven't got much time to reply this morning. But It seems to me that while the 1st Amendment is widely accepted and people quote it often they rarely practice the acceptance in the Christian manner in which you speak of. While free speech is all well and good even in today's liberal society I see it surpressed everyday.

The Christians although they enjoy the protection of the 1st Amendment usually in regards to their paradigm do not extend that sense of both Free Speech and Free Exercise, right?

In regards to Campus Ministries though, do you find their exclusivty to be bad?
The Flyers are at home tonight and the problem is getting into Boston!~!
Since you are compelled to tolerate Christianity but Christianity isn't compelled to tolerate you?

No you got me loud and clea - I haven't got much time to reply this morning. But It seems to me that while the 1st Amendment is widely accepted and people quote it often they rarely practice the acceptance in the Christian manner in which you speak of. While free speech is all well and good even in today's liberal society I see it surpressed everyday.
Blogging of the President? Is that A Chris Lydon site?

Sure is!
OK all you Bruins fans the time has come to receive another Flyers beat down!~! Are ya scared....you should be!~! The Flyers are still unbeaten at the Wachovia...(Walk all over ya center) and as it stands right now in my eyes i'll go with a 4-1 dominating Flyers win......unless it's snowed out!~! The B's have two storms rollin' into town...he he he

Flyers will be in the Unfriendly Confines of the "Insert Corporate Name Here" Boston Arena.
Games in Boston don't usually get snowed out. We are Spartans here. No Walk Over Ya Luck going on at all. The Bruins will be pissed off from the bad press and Coach Sully (Not to be confused with Rev. Sully! ^_~) riding them like $3 whores when the Navy ships comes in. Expect a beatdown.

Leave Lapointe out of it! How's rehab, Claude? WAH!
Got a new job starting monday!

Congrats! In Waltham? Whatcha dune...c'mon...details. ^_^
Got a new job starting monday!
OK all you Bruins fans the time has come to receive another Flyers beat down!~! Are ya scared....you should be!~! The Flyers are still unbeaten at the Wachovia...(Walk all over ya center) and as it stands right now in my eyes i'll go with a 4-1 dominating Flyers win......unless it's snowed out!~! The B's have two storms rollin' into town...he he he
Hockey Talk with Rev. Sully! and now featuring built-in buggy bumpers:


Whooops! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.

Leafs 6, Bruins 0. The Bruins mustered 25 SOG in 60 minutes. Darcy Tucker scored twice in 28 seconds in the third period. Felix “The Cat” looked as crestfallen as me that time I didn’t get to see Tigger at Disney World.
It’s OK though…it is OK to lose. It is OK to lose to a division rival when vying for First Place. Losses happen, shut-outs happen. I can actually respect the shut-out more than blowing a lead late in the game and falling asleep at the wheel…I could be cruel and say “pulling a Herb Brooks” but even I got limitations. Like the other day when I was at the “Insert Corporate Name Here” Arena here in Boston…in the SkyBox of course taking full advantage of the free beer and food but I also saw the Bruins blow their lead at the end of each period against the seemingly toothless Coyotes in a game that ended in a 3-3 tie. Maybe it is time to let the Boo-bies have their say and cuss the Black and Gold…Tie Domi scored a goal last night. The Leafs have 7 straight wons now and three points on the Bruins for the lead in the NE Division.

Philly got the Coyotes tonight. Go Fleagles!!!

And Saturday…Bruins/Flyers…Beatdown on Causeway St. 7PM. Future playoff matchups in the 2nd or 3rd round. ^_~

Thursday, December 04, 2003

Hockey Talk with Rev. Sully and no company in the Sin Bin:

FYI: the Bruins did not commit a single penalty last night.

I would like to see CuJo got to either Washington or Colorado too. I did originally start out by saying that. CuJo to Pitt...kinda like wishing out loud. I support quality goaltending and I think Fleury can only live up to the hype if the Pens invest in him. I wouldn't expect him to go to Pitt.

We'll know by 12Noon tomorrow anyhoo. If I were him, I would not accept a demotion. I'd rather see him sit out than go to Grand Rapids. That's insulting to a goalie of his calibre. A conditioning stint is one thing...
Cujo:

Hockey rules differ from other sports in that Cujo will not be an unrestricted free agent upon clearing waivers, as he would be in football, for example. This simply means that Detroit can send him to the minors if he clears, as Sully stated. That means a team would have to take him on at his current salary, so I cannot see any scenario where he ends up in Pittsburgh; because they're so strapped for cash, Lemieux just had to decline giving himself a 5 million dollar raise, and they just dumped their second best player (Martin Straka) to LA. If Cujo does get claimed (which I wouldn't expect), I see two teams as possibilities:

1. Colorado - remember all the talk that Detroit would never trade Cujo to their biggest rival? Well, they have no choice after waiving him. Aebischer has looked good, but if Colorado really is going for it this year, they will do so with a veteran netminder, which leads to the second possibility...

2. Washington - Cujo may not be the veteran Colorado has in mind; they are said to be interested in Ollie Kolzig. So, the Caps claim Cujo and send Kolzig to Colorado for young talent (alex tanguay or martin skoula, maybe).
I'm guessing she means that in the sense that it's a matter of the letter of the gospel vs. its intent.

Hmmm...I love the argument of Literal interpretation of the Bible, Torrah, Qur'an, et al. Especially in the Judeo-Christian West here, I'm always reminded of the recent pop psyche guru "Dr. Laura" and an open letter to her after she publically judged homosexuality as wrong based upon the Bible.

Published on Thursday, July 13, 2000 in the Madison Capital Times
Reading The Bible According To Dr. Laura
by John Nichols

Dr. Laura Schlessinger, the female Rush Limbaugh, has stirred more than enough controversy in the past few months.
The popular distributor of radio advice has angered gays and lesbians with her bizarre brand of know-nothing homophobia, she has turned off supporters of the First Amendment with her militant determination to mix church and state, she even has offended Canadians -- no easy task.

Now, censorship gets no quarter in this column. But effective satire does -- particularly when it points up the hypocritical and a historic way Dr. Laura reads the Bible. And there's never been any question that using the Bible as a hammer, rather than a map, begs satirical treatment.

Along these lines: A letter making the rounds in recent days hits the nail -- or should we say the good doctor -- right on the head:

Dear Dr. Laura,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's law. I have learned a great deal from you, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend homosexuality, for example, I will simply remind him or her that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other laws in Leviticus and Exodus and how to best follow them. To wit:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Leviticus 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. How should I deal with this?
I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as stated in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Leviticus 15:19-24). The problem is, how can I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
Leviticus 25:44 states that I may buy slaves from the nations that are around us. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Canadians, but not Mexicans. Can you clarify?
I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
A friend of mine says that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Leviticus 10:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?
Leviticus 20:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Sincerely,
A devoted listener

John Nichols is the editorial page editor of The Capital Times.


Source

Other ones I can't do the Chapter:Verse (bad Rev...bad...) like wearing clothes made of different fibers.

There's one line in Psalms that mentions being under God's wing. Does that make God a bird? And so forth.


Hockey Talk with Rev. Sully! and a bag full of Claw Hammers:



The CuJo Sweepstakes just hit a new level! Curtis Joseph was placed on waivers by the Detroit Red Wings. I mean Team Geritol. What does that mean…hmmmm…well…in the boring world of sports lawyering, there is something known as a contract. ^_~ Some contracts have no-trade clauses that the player and the team must choose on which team will be the landing spot. Some have what’s known as a two-way contract; this means that they’re a lower echelon player and can be sent back and forth to the minors. The top player have one-way contracts that means they don’t go to the minors. But if the team’s management wants to demote/get rid of a player with a one-way contract, they must first be put on the WAIVER WIRE!!! That means starting in a pecking order, each team I the NHL is offered the services of this player granted the new team take the existing contract. CuJo has a BIG contract. Detroit has really wet the bed on this one, kids. They had signed CuJo to a big deal…they had one of the League’s premiere backup goalies in Manny Legace but Domenik Hasek comes out of retirement and signs his option with the Wings while CuJo is recovering from having a bone chip removed from his knee. Team Geritol deserves this mess. They’ve been shopping CuJo for months and have not found ANY TAKERS. Refer to previous Sully Rants regarding the GOALIE GLUT in the NHL. There is a bevy of goaltenders out in the NHL today. Most of them I can’t even pronounce their names seeing they hail from Backwood Umlaut, Eastern Europe or Coldest Northern Former Soviet Satellite. Is there room for a 36 year old, over-paid and perhaps at this point over-rated goaltender with a HUGE contract? Seeing that Byron Dafoe landed in Atlanta without much ado I say yes. It’s all a matter of who needs him the most and WHEN. Dafoe sat for what seemed like forever waiting for someone to sign him. My best projection still is Pittsburg but they can’t even afford to feed the mascot anymore. I still see Fleury learning boatloads from CuJo. CuJo would make an excellent mentor to young Marc Andre Fleury. The Blueballs also need a steady #1 to compete in that Terrifying Atlantic Division.

Yahoo! News Link


What was so dumb about Ray Bourque for Mike Knuble???


Marty…oh how I pine for a 40 goal season from you…and to stay uninjured. He’s the Bruins version of John LeClair in every respect.


Speaking of Johnny PowerForward Himself!

HOCKEY TAWK!
Flyers…unbeaten at home in 13 games! HUZZAH! Beat the flightless waterfowl (more like “foul” these days) of Pittsburgh last night 5-2.

Bruins…beat the Hot’lanta Thrashers 6-4 in a tight & close one in the Gateway to the Dirty South. I only got to see about 30 seconds of the game. Low light of the night… Shawn McEachern got a shorthanded goal. The Bruins have allowed 4 shorthanded goals this season so far...I do not like that number at all. Only three teams fare worse with Pittsburgh in last with 8 and two others with 5.

Bruins downed one 1st place team…now to the next. The Toronto Make Believes tonight. The Leafs got one point on the Bruins for NE division dominance. The quintessential “four-point” game. Then after that Philly comes to town on Saturday. Great hockey ahead!

Hey…whatcha think of the new All Star Jerseys. I think they’re pretty sweet. If Pat Bergeron goes to the ASG, I’m gonna get one. It’ll look great with my 2002 Joe Thornton “#91” North America ASG Jersey.




Wednesday, December 03, 2003

Laura's definately invited.
I'm guessing she means that in the sense that it's a matter of the letter of the gospel vs. its intent.
I don't understand the appeal of mainstream pop culture or celebrity worship, and don't expect to. I have no desire to see pictures of who Ben Affleck is dating, and I don't give a flying rat's ass where J-Lo shops. Maybe Sully can shed some light on it.

By the Way, Preacher...I forgot to tell you to fuck off because of this so...fuck off. ^_~ Tee hee!!!

I think I'll be doing 2nd Shift at Jingle Jam. The Berger-Girvalo's Tree Trimming party is earlier. But I hope to bring Dane and James is wickid interested. Pumpkinhead, if you got your ears on...you and Laura go to Aimee's party first too and then me, you and Dane will go to Matt's. AND it's close enough that is would be like a $6 cab ride. I can only assume Laura's invited too. ^_~
True the Constitution ensures us the right to follow the beliefs that we choose... but is there tolerance?

Well...I'm for beyond tolerance. I'm for acceptance. There is tolerance especially when it is enforced. And tolerance needs to be enforced. Akin to your Soccer anaolgy, the referee needed to enforce tolerance better, he needed to enforce the Rules of the game so there is an equal playing field with no favoritism. That's what the 1st Amendment in the US Constitution is ALL about. Not about excluding religion from public life but about giving a level and equal playing field to all citizens.

They may abide by the law - but do they abide by Christianity?

Lost me here. Could you reform or restate, please? Thanks. ^_^ Since you are compelled to tolerate Christianity but Christianity isn't compelled to tolerate you? But I might not be following you correctly.
Blogging of the President? Is that A Chris Lydon site?
I will tolerate the closed minded. I will tolerate the weak-willed. I will tolerate the fear-filled. I have to because they ultimately in America, they have to tolerate me and the way I live life and the way I interpret God. They might not like my inclusions of sperm burpin’ and rug munchin’ homos in God’s plan…but they have to let me freely exercise my right to worship in whatever I deem fit according to the First Amendment.

True the Constitution ensures us the right to follow the beliefs that we choose... but is there tolerance?

Playing soccer last night we came across a team that took the game far too seriously for a social league. WE held our own. They had two excellent players, the rest of the team were all a little old and bitter - kept kicking tha ball over the fence to waste time... purposely tripping us up - for some reason we ended up with all the penalties against us... not to mention the ref stood on the middle of the feild and watched the game from there. I couldn't see the circle line til I was a meter away from it... don't know how he could.

I liken this experience to that of religion. Some of us are out there doing what we know how to do. Desperately looking to improve our game and learn new techniques to keep the ball or score the goal. Some choose to go about this with as little physical danger and harm to our opponents, others seek it out. Generally the goal it to enjoy yourself. But there is also a group of people (sometimes smallsometimes large) that want to prevent this from happening as much as possible.

While I am happy to let the masses make their mistakes and involve themself in the religions that they choose to (after all I've been in one of those sects - actively preaching and seeking enlightenment) - I am complelled to. But sometimes I wonder if that favor is returned. Especially when I find myself segregated from people that I love, and care for. They may abide by the law - but do they abide by Christianity?
The Blogging of the President - 2004
godwalking
The Art of Talking Theology with Rev. Sully!


God on the Quad:

After reading the wonderful article that Leah linked…well…it was a Boston Globe article that was written by what appeared to be a shaved ape or worse a Boston Herald writer. Complete lack of quality in regards to writing style. Too hip for the Globe. I mean Michael Holley and Kevin Paul DuPont are allowed…they’re columnists for the Globe Sports page so they are allowed their eloquence. It was informative although lacking. It was written for the Globe Magazine though so that gives it a little latitude in regards to (or lack of) style points.

No bones about it. Christianity fosters exclusivity. Although it is about personal salvation and agape/caritas, it is also about adherence to social mores that contradict basic human rights namely the treatment and ostracizing of homosexuals. Chris Rock is wonderful. He’s got great things to say about gays. Like that you always had one in the family and you always knew…they just didn’t have anyone to be gay with. This is the same religion that used its sacred text to justify slave owning…the peculiar institution. Here is a related link on the Peculiar Institution and its Biblical circumlocution.

Here is a deeper look at Biblical Sources of Western Sexual Morality:

Some Biblical Prohibitions against Homosexuality

Also Evangelical Christianity is an active conversion religion. It promises happiness and salvation at the cost of membership. There is a sect or cult in the Boston area called the Boston Church of Christ. They have a HUGE following. They held services in the old Boston Garden in a packed house…they now hold services in the Hynes Convention Center. About 23,000 members in the Boston area alone. My old friend Jill from High School. I loved her so. Had a little crush on each other too but we were for the most part just good friends. She got into the Boston Church of Christ. We almost lost her to them. They ask that you sever ties with non-believers and sinners lest you go to Hell. They tend to live in clusters. It’s kind of scary. I don’t know how fair it is to be comparing Campus Ministries to the BCC but the BCC IMHO is a bit whacko.

But I feel Campus Ministries are not evil or bad. I think they’re a good model on which organized spirituality, especially the very uppity Christian movement to work in a secular country. Here comes the boring stuff…Mircea Eliade says something like this in his watershed book “The Sacred and the Profane”. That Spiritual Man is caught between two worlds; the world of the Sacred and the world of the Common or Profane (meaning not “bad” as in the misused “profanity” but as in something not related to God). That there are certain spaces that Man makes for itself that are sacred spaces that exist in the Normal World, coexisting with the Normal World. That the Sacred space in the Profane world to the faithful is what Eliade refers to as the “axis mundi”, the center of the world. And it is there where Spiritual Man can commune with its Deity. That the Sacred Space is either ever-present in Nature or created as an altar would be.

So student movements wish to create their own Axis Mundi on their Campuses. A place where there is a sense of community and shared value. Muslims call that “Ummah”. Buddhists call it “Sanga”. In my Catholic neighborhood growing up, our spiritual community was called a “Parish” and we were under that “jurisdiction” for our Catholic and spiritual needs such as church, CCD, et al. The Campus Ministries are doing a good job of staying noticed and existing in the secular arena.

Let’s be honest…more people believe in “God” than do not. As the Carl Sagan character Palmer Joss said in the book/movie “Contact”, I’ll paraphrase that 95% of the World population are not having a group hallucination. The atheists are the minority. The secularists are the minority. Secular institutions are there to create a Free Zone for ideas that will not be subject to mockery because of religious intolerance but Free Exercise still must be maintained.

Now…in the discrimination case with the Lesbian discussed in the article, I do find myself siding with the Ministry. Let her find a new/make her own club. There should be some sort of exclusivity for a club to have. I won’t be joining the Black Panthers or the B’nai B’rith, will I? How about Nursing Mothers of America? Retired Hockey Players of Northern Saskatchewan? Just because I want to be part of a club doesn’t automatically make it so I’m going to get into it just because I have some misguided sense of entitlement.

In a world of encouraging tolerance, why can’t we tolerate the fundamentalist or the evangelical and their right to celebrate, worship and commune with their Deity and live life in their Prescribed manner. Sure…they might be wrong. They might be thumbing their nose at inalienable human rights protected by the Constitution of the United States of America and say it’s God’s Will and God’s Law but they have the right to worship freely. I guess it would be hard not to allow this into becoming a slippery slope argument then defending the right of a Satanist to sacrifice babies on the same grounds. Some standard should be met then. Is intolerance life threatening or just unfortunate for

I will tolerate the closed minded. I will tolerate the weak-willed. I will tolerate the fear-filled. I have to because they ultimately in America, they have to tolerate me and the way I live life and the way I interpret God. They might not like my inclusions of sperm burpin’ and rug munchin’ homos in God’s plan…but they have to let me freely exercise my right to worship in whatever I deem fit according to the First Amendment.

Tuesday, December 02, 2003

The B's:

This organ-I-zation is aboot to turn it around, buddy. Their netminders and defencemen remain solid, so once they pick it up in the O-ffensive zone, they'll be fine, eh? This week will be a good test, as they play ag-AI-nst several tough squads, you hoser.

- Bob McKenzie
Hockey Talk with Rev. Sully! and a band of Castaways on this deserted isle.

Ken Hitchcock, coach of the Flyers said on NHL dot com that his team has psychological problems. They just got their 12-game unbeaten streak snapped last night by the Ottawa Senators. Philly has 4 points on the Devils and 9 on the Blueballs for their first place lead.
Read it yourself…no plagiarism for me…not today. But I think it’s kinda daft for Hitchcock to be saying that. http://nhl.com/intheslot/read/hockeytoday/snapshots/east.html
The Penguins won at home last night against Hot’lanta but check this…9,576 people showed up at the Mellon Arena. Mario Lemieux declinded a $5 Million raise. The Pens are in TROUBLE!

Speaking of the miserable Penguins, Martin Straka got traded to the L.A. Kings. The Penguins were reported of trying to sell their Zamboni on eBay along with splinters of the True Cross.

I was in the SkyBox…again. It was a Sunday night and I got too drunk…again. Scotty got us the good seats and we watched the Bruins hideously fall asleep at the wheel in the end of each period and they paid for it with another tie. At least I got to see magnificent goals by Travis Green and Patrice Bergeron. Toronto has eclipsed Boston by one point for first place. Next up: Wednesday in Hot’lanta. First place in their division and they burned us BAD last month. And the hits keep coming. Then we get a 4-point game against the Toronto Make Believes for 1st place supremacy and then…WE GET THE FLYERS!!! Another 1st place team. Good hockey cooking up this week for the Bruins who have been charged by an over-zealous media for slacking. But as Robert Downey, Jr. said over a decade ago in the “Hot Issue” of Rolling Stone Magazine when he was named “Hot Actor” of 1988 he was asked “what is it like to be hot” and he answered “destined to be cold”. Let’s hope the Bruins are just warming up.
Comics...spider, spider burning bright in the forest of the night...

TRANSMETROPOLITAN by Warren Ellis

The End



One day in the magical land of the Flat did the Comics Gnome leave twelve issues of TRANMET under the “Toro Te Amo”. The “Toto Te Amo” is a legendary artifact from the Olmec civilization…or it could be a Mexican cigar box, it depends on who’s looking. Lo and there they were! The final twelve issues of Transmetropolitan to complete the series. TRANSMET runs 60 issues. There are 10 trade paperbacks. 8 TPBs available with the 9th soon to be released but the Comics Gnome could not wait. It had to be sought out and finished.

The Comics Gnome went from Somerville to Fenway, From Quincy to Malden…the lengths and breadths and spances of where the “T” can bring a body. For this quest we were rewarded with closure. The TRANSMETs are worth their Ransom. They are worth their weight in water in the desert. They might be better than Twenty past Four in Amsterdam. But really, here’s a quick stupidity test to pull on someone, ask him or her where he or she’d rather go: Holland or the Netherlands. Chew on that for a spell. I know of one case in which it worked.

Ten volumes, six issues per volume. And unlike conventional serialized comics, Spider’s City and Filthy Assistants run on “real-time”. Transmetropolitam upon its release was a five-year long story to tell. It tells of the cycle of a man’s life. 5 years spent on a mountain to escape the City. Another 5 years in the City…as if the City was somehow commanding events to bring its Prodigal Son home to save it…and to do penance for leaving it. An act of contrition. Spider being unconsciously called to restore balance to the City.

What is the cost of the illusion that everything is all right? I feel this to be the overall thesis statement for TRANSMET. How much are you willing to swallow? How long is it gonna be until you get mad enough to fight back? TRANSMET is full of questions. It has to be. Its protagonist is a journalist. Its hero is paid by you to ask the question you cannot to the people that matter for the people that matter most. The point of a newspaper is to inform you and present facts so you can eventually make up your own mind unless you subscribe to Matrix Theory of the Cosmos. That means the Truth is meant to keep you in line not to set you free.

I personally learn by “cosmosis”. The Truth is on the floor…pick it up. I keep my ear to the ground of the stars and follow the contrails of ki…gnosis has a semi-permeable membrane so you have to STARE REALLY HARD SOMETIMES…but I digress. Matrix Theory is Legion. It is known by many names. It is Conspiracy. It is MAYA. It is living vicariously through Mass Media. It means that life on autopilot and letting the current take you means you are living an illusion…that life must have meaningful interaction through thought and action. That the point of existence should not be which illusion to choose from today. It is what Krishna tells Arjuna in the chariot in the Bhavagad Gita that it is not enough to have faith but to act in it too. The Gita is an ancient comic book, for real it is…look it up.

One more cup of coffee for the road. One more windmill to tilt. Spider’s final ride into the sunset and to FREEDOM. Channon and Yolena’s chance at FREEDOM and ditching that bald lunatic. The Smiler’s last chance to strike against FREEDOM. What is freedom and what is the illusion of freedom? What is freedom, you blind fuck??? Oh sorry…thought I was talking to my cat again. Which is odd because I don’t own a cat. No one can ever truly own a cat…was Spider taking the Two-Faced Pussy off of the street “freedom” for the beast? What is true freedom? Is it being able to tell someone to fuck off or is it not having to tell someone to fuck off? What’s koan on here?

The occasion of the anniversary of my birth so happened upon the calendar of Pope Gregory the 13th. For my transgressions against society and particularly womankind…I was given another action figure. Now, I do not purchase action figures for myself but I have many. I am the person that keeps the kitsch stores alive. Spider’s Action Figure says on the packaging “For Ages 8 and Up”. If your eight-year older had a Spider action figure I’d bum a smoke off of the rugrat.

In the End, Spider’s story is over. It’s a fair enough thing to say. Hopefully Spider can get that rest he deserves now. There is a follow-up piece called Transmetropolitan: Filth of The City for $5.95 USD/$9.95 CAN written by Ellis and featuring a galaxy of guest star artists to go along with unpublished dabs and mind drippings of Spider Jerusalem and it’s worth it to check out but only to those properly indoctrinated. A novice would be lost and then have the audacity to send me their therapy bills after reading it. Each guest artist gets a lucky and healthy crack at The City Ellis creates.



I love a good story. A good long story. TRANSMETROPOLITAN is perhaps the best thing to come across my lap since that beautiful 6’ tall blonde Amazon. That was truly Homeric…but TRANSMET is not. It’s not Homeric. There’s nothing poetic about it. It’s a set of brass knuckles across your top teeth. A sucker punch that makes you see stars and then you shake it off and get ready to fight or die. TRANMET is a comedy in its true definition. Comedy in its original Greek encompassed elements mostly found in tragedy and it’s not just for laughs. I guess it would be fair to call it Black Comedy. For an insanely funny read, TRANSMET makes the reader…stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood, disguise fair nature with hard favored rage, then lend the eye a terrible aspect; let it pry through the portage of the head like the Brass Cannon, let the brow overwhelm as fearfully as does a galled rock overhang and jutty his confounded base, swilled with the wide and wasteful ocean. Now set the teeth and stretch the nostril wide*…with its City of the future and what it takes to live there. Spider’s tale is concluding and you should all be there to see it. The finale does not disappoint.

Vol. 9 The Cure is now available and the final vol. 10 to be released soon enough. I am done talking about Spider Jerusalem, Filthy Assistants and Two-Faced Pussy. If you’re lucky and quick-witted enough you’ll be able to catch it when I rip him off but only for those with True Grit.



*Henry V, Act 3, Scene 1, the Bard.
Comics...what...you think 'cuz a guy reads comics he can't start sh*t???

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen; Vols. 1 and 2 by Alan Moore




A deliciously, devious narrative.
A hodgepodge of heroes of a bygone day.
A world on the cusp of indelible change.
The end of an Empire.
Pessimistic yet hopeful in the future.
Terribly adapted for the Silver Screen.


I have never seen the movie adaptation of League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. It would be easy to do you know, faithful hearties to simply pander this work but I cannot merely suggest that you waste precious time and attention on this. I could whip something up on the hoo-hah like that day in 6th grade I had to do an essay on Tom Sawyer by Twain. So the day before it’s due I read...pah…scan the first three chapters, the last two and rented the movie (watched most of it). I got an “A”. Why go there…that doesn’t make any sense. But where did I leave off…I have never seen the movie LXG. Even its title seemed misogynistic in the post-PC West. Perhaps when Comics are given their rightful place in the echelons of Print Media and Fiction, LXG will be assigned to give the rug rats nightmares. And the sorry bastard who uses my method for their report…

I hear nothing but bad things about the movie. A commercial flop and the greatest embarrassment to the comic book movie since Dolph Lungren’s The Punisher and Judge Dredd. Even Diane Lane couldn’t do anything for that. Would I watch the movie? Maybe if forced to. I’ve had to sit through bad movies with big hopes like Mystery Men, Captain America, and Howard the Duck. If it was really against my will then I can be in a survivors or victim’s workshop group. But no need no want to see it, the movie. I mean the latitude given in adaptation is astonishing. Because I hear the movie fails where the comic excels. I am told I am better off for not seeing it.

I reluctantly picked up the TPB for volume 1. It was lying there on the Coffee Table. I know darn tooting who wrote it. I was sorry to have judged due to its movie counterpart. That would be assuming the Batman monthly funny book was no good because of that stinker of a flick with Buster Keaton and the Shinning. Yeah, I said it…cry two tears in a bucket…I digress…

The British flavoured xenophobia emitted in the narrative caption at the closing of the episode is perhaps its greatest anachronism. It is a vile throwback to a bygone day, at the last turn of the Century to see the state of the Western world going into the 1900s. Its heroes are only called that due to lack of proper categorization. The reluctant elderly adventurer, a sea-fearing dangerous and megalomaniacal former enemy to the Crown, a dishonored divorcee with a secret, a very see-through knave and perhaps Evil Incarnate learning to play with others.

This odd, odd twisted story. This mismatched team. The brutality. The sense of ingenuity in this era. Solutions to problems with the elite superteam of its day. All established in their own stories and based on that era’s science fantasy. LXG is a clever twist on often over looked fictional heroes. We barely remember Adam Quartermaine or Captain Nemo & The Nautilus. LXG is a great reminder that H.G. Welles, Jules Verne, A.C. Doyle and the likewise once had a deserved place at the table of amazing fiction. A passed by day and age when the hopes for the future relied upon the shift in the World. As Stephen King refers to in his Gunslinger books “the world moved on” as it truly did in the Industrial Age.

Vols. 1 & 2 are now available in stores in most civilized industrial nations by ABC, America’s Best Comics; an offshoot of DC Comics crazy enough and solvent enough to tell Alan Moore “just go ahead”. LXG is as British as crumpets and tea, as British as Prince William. As British as Alan Moore. It’s comic telling in the style of yesteryear. Glimpses of this have been seen before in the Pirate Comic in The Watchmen, Moore’s very own “The Mousetrap”.

Don’t get me wrong. This is no walk in the park. This can get hardcore. You will be swimming in the deep end with no lifeguard on duty. Comics, especially Alan Moore comics have a knack of kicking you in the gonads on some level. He knows how to bring It. I wouldn’t tell you to read it if I didn’t think you couldn’t handle it but you have been warned.

Comics...Ultimate Satisfaction!

The Marvel Ultimate Universe:

Benchmarks. Milestones. Events. It’s Comics way to say hello to your attention spans and pocket money. Because let’s be serious, it comes down to money. It comes down for the publishing houses to produce something with enough gumption and verve to deserve my precious ducats and my Eye. It comes down to good stories and great art and it doesn’t matter how many different issue covers are printed in holo-foil or how revealed are the well-endowed mammalian protuberances of the heroine. Comic publishers these days are being inventive by making good artistic decisions in regards to storytelling visually and storywise.

I believe staunchly against the use of Mylar bags and backboards. There is a good use for them YES but only to protect them. Comics are tactile…they should be held, touched, picked up, opened, splayed, fingered, thumbed, eyed-over, inspected, loved, worshiped, given proper respect and homage but never to be suffocated and stared at like a piece of Amsterdam window dressing. Comics should be read…taken care of but read. It’s why the Trade paperback is an excellent solution for the husbandry involved in having a comic book collection.

Sometimes, a real collection can be worse than a puppy and a live-in girlfriend all rolled into one. It wants your attention, your financial resources and your physical space. You will be judged by others on its appearance. When someone else touches it, your first instinct is to hawk them and ensure they’re playing nice. Say what you want about having company over but it’s always good kudos points when a guest correctly identifies your Loeb/Sale addiction.

New readership is always welcomed. New beginnings always sell well at first…then sometimes they slink into mediocrity. Lately there is a boon of acme stories and art from all places. The Big Two will always try to find ways to reinvent the Wheel. It comes back to the classics but the classics can be bogged down by too much baggage and by too much continuity at times. So efforts must be made to create bus stops for new riders to hop on. And sometimes, new transit lines are made. So here is the Marvel “Ultimate” world…the new transit line.

It is a world unto itself. It’s its own universe existing outside what is deemed the continuity that the major related titles share. No crossovers between the two (we can only hope…). All the characters have been reengineered into badass caricatures of their former selves. All the characters have been made younger. Freely admitted by Marvel as a way to get kids and teens back into buying comics. And it has been a while since a pencil-necked, bespeckled, “mama’s boy” of a nerd kid on a field trip got bit by a radioactive spider. Spider-Man is…a man. He’s married. He’s old enough to have a career and then after that a beer. Spider-Man has grown up. Very slowly. The X-Men have also. Not much but they’re not kids anymore.

In the Ultimate Universe, they are all young again and they’re starting off from scratch. Spidey is 15. The X-Men are all young with Wolverine looking at the oldest at about 26. Nick Fury is Black. Tony Stark is a raging hard-on in armor. Jean Grey: Sex Kitten & Teen Slut? Pete, MJ, Harry and Gwen all hanging out after school again? It’s hitting the restart button. The dialog is alive and fresh. Funny and biting. The art sings and the colors drip off the pages. The Young Turks are in charge. Millar, Bendis…Bendis was given a thunderbolt for a cerebellum by Those In Charge. All props to whoever discovered Bendis.

For the Menu we are being offered:
Ultimate Spider-Man
Ultimate X-Men
The Ultimates; who are the version of the superhero team the “Avengers” with Captain America, Iron Man, Black Widow, et al.



The Ultimate Six; the Ultimate look at the nefarious superbad team of the Sinister Six with Green Goblin, Doctor Octopus and the rest.

Ultimate Daredevil and Electra, the Ultimate treatment of Matt Murdock and Electra Natchios’ college romance.



And soon to be released the Ultimate Fantastic Four. The F4 are a mainstay of the Marvel Universe. In the age of hormonally imbalanced super teams of barely post teen, post Human and post MTV rocket jockey heroes, the Fantastic Four are still around with their cool gadgets, cool costumes and unusually ethical and sporting family values. You can’t get rid of them…they’re like Bibles in hotel rooms. But Reed Richards, Sue & Johhny Storm and Ben Grimm…IT’S CLOBBERIN’ TIME!!! Sue and Reed before they got married. The whole thing before it gets complicated. The F4 get the hero treatment. If the X-Men are outlaw then the F4 are Champion.



And also the Milestone. Ultimate Spider-Man issue #50.


The Ultimate line is very recent…not more than five years now. The Clock moves in Comic People Time so Mr. Parker isn’t old enough to drink. It still takes six months of Real People Time to tell a tale 3 days longs in CPT. CPT is not meant to, but could be a reference to Dre. But #50 is the Ultimate lines first real milestone. It is like batting .300 in a season, it changes things a bit. It is an Event…every milestone is an event in comics. Marvel’s The Amazing Spider-Man just celebrated its 500th issue and was released in hardcover to commemorate the occasion.

Ultimate Spider-Man is a very good, solid title. It is very accessible and plays well with other titles sporting crossovers with Ultimate X-Men, Ultimate Wolverine and co-protector of NYC, Ultimate Daredevil (who guest starred, he doesn’t have his own title besides the limited run with Electra). It has the power to bring back the heyday translated through 21st century eyes and tastes for fiction. It has a sense of novelty and adventure. It is the Marvel Universe on a speedball of Acid and Steroids. Also they are reprinted in TPB form following the conclusion of a story arc. Vol. 1 of the Ultimate X-Men; The Tomorrow People, reprinting issues #1-6 runs $14.95 USD/$23.95 CAN. Ultimate Spider-Man TPB Vol. 1, Power and Responsibility reprints issues #1-7 at the cost of $14.95 USD/$23.95 CAN also and if you’ve seen the Tobey Maguire movie then you already know what’s going to happen. But the way it’s told and its art are the why here.





Ultimate Spider-Man’s recrafting of the Alien Costume was good…way key. It took a bad Event comic stunt to give Spider-Man a new costume. DC had just did something interesting in doing “Crisis” so Marvel had to represent and testify. Marvel had the Secret Wars!!! Ugggh…well…the famous Black costume. The Black Costume was cool. Really cool. In the vernacular of my people…”wicked pissah”. The Black Costume was actually an alien. It’s called the Symbiote. It oozed over Spider-Man like an oil slick. He didn’t need web shooters; it made its own webbing. It increased his strength. It looked good. But it was making him evil. Yeah…the symbiote wanted control so Spider-Man had it painfully removed and not without much ado either. The symbiote found someone that hated Peter Parker as much as it did and it became the phenomenon known as Venom. Venom vies for Ultimate foe status but until someone can replace the Green Goblin then Venom will just have to settle for penultimate. Much better than the Sandman who is antepenultimate.



The Ultimate line reintroduces storylines you’re familiar with and it gives you new ones with great scope and interest to the resolution of the arc. As in the Ultimate X-Men are to new stories as Ultimate Spider-Man is to reinterpreting the original formula of the Lee/Kirby heyday. The Ultimate Six is a little wordy at times but interesting, especially with the experiences Spider-Man has with fitting in with other groups of heroes being an only child and a loner among the super-powered. In Spidey’s Ultimate title, he teamed up with the X-Men; in this title, at Nick Fury’s behest is teamed with the Ultimates to stop a superteam of his enemies. The superteam of the Ultimates might rival the Authority as Coolest Super Team but really…the Authority is in a class of its own…where was I…

The Ultimate Six will be out shortly in TPB. It was slated to go 6 issues but the final battle was so big it was bumped up to 7 issues. Tis the risk of liking a serialized story. The suspense and anticipation of the next chapter. It’s the one thing Trade Paperbacks lack. The Ultimates have a volume 1 TPB on the shelf of the store. Spidey and the X-Men have libraries now. And for a while now, Marvel dot com has the Ultimate titles available to read for free from the web site. The formatting of the panels is most interesting and I advocate any comics fan to check it out and see how the story is told and know that the ads are there too.



I like clever stuff. The Ultimate line is very clever. It puts the power back into the future. By making the heroes young again and by turning up the volume on everything, it creates a line of titles I want to read. The title have great dialog. Scribes Mark Millar and ultimately Brian Michael Bendis are the Bards for all of these Tales. Millar inherited the Authority from Warren Ellis and is a notable writer in his own right.

I was rereading this as part of an edit and realized how incredibly geeky I sound. I’ll try not to blush but hey…

Be a geek.

Read a funny book.

‘Nuff said.