Saturday, March 24, 2018

Star Wars The Last Jedi

Little to say until Home Video release next week.
Read Novelization.
Inhaled Soundtrack.

More to Come...

pepperjack cheese

it's not my favorite at all.

Saturday, March 17, 2018


i stopped buying comicbooks

it happened about last August 

a writer of one of my favorite titles spoiled something.
the writer crafted a years-long mystery.
then by retweeting a solicitation for an upcoming title, spoiled his own mystery.
it was just the codename of Batman's current "sidekick", aka Partner.

i went a little nuclear.
the writer themself reached out to me on gmail.
said sorry it doesn't do it for you but the creative teams are so gonna kick this and please don't disrespect them. 
and asked me to stop being so "shitty" about it.
that's the gist of it

i immediately responded, thanking him for his candor and his reaching out.
that i wasn't a troll.
simply a 45 year-old reader.
there was a set-up to that payoff in a recent issue, yet Storywise...we hadn't gotten there.

this mystery was the coolest thing.
it was about wonder
and amusement
and anticipation
and ultimately revelation. 

it was the coldest of showers
the truth was self-evident.
sure i'm a 45 year-old paying fan and reader of these stories...
but how am i reacting?
this is what i'm getting mad about?

that experience changed me.
immediately i went from few comics to currently?
what's the point?

no one intended anything bad or rotten
but how does it pay to be "The Paying Fan" in our age of instant culture?
cui bono?


after therapy and anti-depressants,
where did my anxiety go?
if it's impotent in my waking world
it's found traction in Sleep and in The Dreaming.

a side effect of my anti-depressant is Vivid Dreaming

And some mornings, I embrace being awake with relish, such as today...

This is one was a doozy, being an amalgamation of a few consistent yet independent dream themes
i'll i.d. them as:
The Ex-GFs
Moving/Packing Under the Clock
One thing I like about Twitter, I can grab my iPhone and immediately recount the details, as if they were going anywhere anytime soon as oft the Virtual Photons of The Dreaming do upon Awakening but iDigress...

Those are the brass bones of it.
Yet experiencing being in the same room with them.
For a Moment.
my horror.  my stress.  my anxiety.  my anger.  my shame.
i had to shake his hand...
and i could see it in her eyes that she felt awkward & whatever pulls as "sorry" in her head, not a "sorry" of her's
but a "sorry for me", wishing that I still didn't take it so hard.

but my guts tell me so...
I Was There.


Thursday, March 15, 2018


whichever I need to suit.

#1: after a relationship
#2: during and based on a relationship
#3: the realization they've always been just for me...they're wisdom

Saturday, March 03, 2018


I would kill myself if I thought it would do any good.
but I believe in reincarnation so that would be a one-way ticket just back to this miserable place.
This is Not a Cry for Help.
I mean what help could anybody be?

Being Single and Unloved for going on 10 Years Now took its toll.
All I have to show for any effort romantically is a head full of bad memories.

My life is about Service and about taking care of people...
but who takes care of me?

I'm simply waiting to die...alone.
Looking forward to it.
Something besides a life without intimacy, closeness & togetherness.
There must be something beyond being Rejectable.

This literally is My Life.
Day in, Day out.

No one in their right mind would want to be "setup"...
but the proof of the pudding is on the plate when it never happen.
Oh you can do better than him.
What taught me this had to have been having a Gay friend and roommate who outright refused to help...and with all those gal friends.
It's an admission of Truth.
It simply Just Is.

People ask me all the time, "how are you do Enthusiastic!"
and "wow, you're such a great person!"
And I look to the empty, cold other side of my bed & life for the past decade and I think that refutes most accolades.

I think the only thing reassuring about being alone is that I'm not going to be rejected and abandoned again.
Love doesn't exist for me.
It might for you so don't judge me.
Every major relationship I've had in my adult life...that wasn't love.
That was fleeting.
Love is Eternal, right?
Love is Forgiveness and Acceptance?
None of that was Love.
It was horny young people giving themselves an excuse to fuck.
People who ultimately were a waste of time, friendship and this supposed idea of "Love".
That's what Rejection teaches.

My story is quite the opposite.
Maybe I'm a broken person.
Don't judge me, I live in this skin.

Monday, January 01, 2018

Happy New Year!

Happy 2018, Dear OCHO!
Let's See What Happens, eh?
Cheers! ^_^
Catch me on Twitter for Daily Mindfarts.

Monday, September 11, 2017


It's 9/11.
The Defining Moment and Inciting Incident of the early 21st Century America.

I'm keen on making a Blog.  Click the Label for the earlier posts.
So this year I'm thinking about it, wearing my Stars & Stripes.

I like to think of myself as a Good American. 

Monday, September 04, 2017

Star Wars...Now It Begins!

I am now in Write-Only Mode for Twitter.
This past Force Friday was awash in Spoiler-rific Suddenness I had to make bold action.
Only a few things spoiled for me:
1.  An alien.  I think I've seen it before in the cartoons so...
2.  A certain new droid.  Can't un-ring that bell.
3.  And could this astromech be the unit for the HERO STARFIGHTER I found out about by name only while watching the Battlefront II Space Battle YouTube Vids...but iDigress...
4.  Some Crimson Guards, what?
5.  Snoke got a Mega Star Destroyer that I caught out of the corner of my eye.  I mean they got to get around in something, right?  And it's the First Order, dammit.  We are Not The Empire!  ^_^
6.  The 2nd movie poster.

So I'm all set with Twitter spoiling.  It's all worthy to me, to see the first time in the movie.
Twitter, see you on the other side of the war...